It's My Fault

Many of my kids' traits are their father's fault. All those relating to testosterone and farting, for instance. But one is mine: the tendency to sleep-walk and sleep-talk. In the years we were together, I can't remember my ex ever doing either, but I know I woke him in a panic on at least two occasions--once to ask who some girl was that was calling for him (premonitions, anyone?) and once to say, "J, J, that roll of film you're looking for is underneath you!" to which he replied, "No, that's just an elephant" and I said, "Oh, ok"and rolled back over. He was not asleep, there really was an elephant underneath him. I don't know how I knew that, though.

I also drove my father crazy because he had wake-up duty on school days and he could never be sure I was awake. He had a series of maneuvers. First he would come into my room, turn on the light and say, "Jenny, it's time to wake up!" and go back to his paper. If he didn't see or hear me he would come back and remove my blankets, and go back to his paper. If he STILL didn't see or hear me he would send in Brownie, my German Shepherd-Doberman mix. I had a waterbed. This never failed to rouse me.

So no one can blame the man for not realizing that one morning after Stage 1, when I came into the kitchen, opened the fridge, closed the fridge and walked back to my room, he didn't think anything of it. Until an hour later when he realized he still hadn't seen me since then...and found me back in my bed, still asleep.

Anyway, all this to say that I have gotten what I have deserved. As a baby, Nate would begin talking about 5 a.m. Apparently he was hungry, as he was always mumbling about oatmeal. He also had a tendency to get up to use the bathroom, only since he wasn't really awake, frequently he would think he was in the bathroom when he wasn't. I woke easily and quickly in those days, ready to re-direct the child at a moment's notice. My dad would have been proud.

Brandon once came into my grandmother's guest room one night when we were staying there. I said, "Brandon, you should be asleep!" Ha! He said, "I will, but first tell me what to do with the nail-like thingies." The conversation lasted a while, until finally I realized he wasn't really all there and sent him on back to bed, promising to take care of the thingies in the morning.

The other night I woke up to Nate calling at me from the hall. "Um, Um, Um, do you plan to...to keep the light...hang on a second..." he took a break to use the facilities, and since I was now awake, I saw the wisdom of that action, so I waited by the door. He came out and I asked him what he needed. He said, "I need to know if they have that gun in a larger size."

Gee, I hope not.