Tuesday, July 20, 2010

So You Have a VCR...

So you have a VCR, and you happily watch your videotapes, enjoying the movies for, say, two years. Then your friends start talking about how they can watch DVDs on their televisions and you decide to call Movie Support to find out how it's done.

We tell you that, unfortunately, your VCR was made before DVDs were invented.
"Well...I don't see why you people think you can talk down to me like that just because my VCR is older than other peoples'."
I am sorry, ma'am....but I am not sure what you want me to say. I can't make your VCR play DVDs.
"You know, you shouldn't treat me like I am less than other people! All my friends watch their DVDs and I want to, too!"

Eventually you demand to speak to my supervisor. He asks me why you are unhappy. I am unable to explain. Half an hour later, after talking to you, he is still sitting, dazed...not sure why you are unhappy.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Quotes & Conversations

Me: And why can't you do that yourself?
Nathan: Because you are the intelligenter one.
(point proven)

Me: And what is your email address?
Customer: I don't give that out, ever. Can't I just give you my credit card number?

Me: Nate, it's time to go running.
Nathan: I guess I can't wimp out while wearing a Marines PT shirt, can I?
Me: Good thinking!
Nathan: I'm going to go change shirts...

Friday, April 16, 2010

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs...

I would like to ask you a favor. I want you to walk outside your front door and to the nearest corner. When you get there, I want you to look around for the street sign. Find the one for your street. Read and memorize the entire sign. For instance, if it says 'Smith Ave.' I want you to memorize both 'Smith' and 'Ave.' And if it says 'NW' in front of it, memorize that, too. Teach it to your children. Write it on your arms if need be.

Then, when you call Customer Service, and they ask you for your billing address, because they want to be sure, before they get into your account where your credit cards, your customer history, your children's names, and many of your personal secrets are stored, that they are really talking to you. We verify because we love!

Please do not say, "What, are you going to send me a letter?"
Please do not tell me that you are too special to have to answer these questions.
Please, please, do not embarrass yourself by telling us that you do not know what kind of street you live on (or, worse, that is is 'gravel' or 'paved' or 'has sidewalks'), and you haven't gotten mail lately and you don't know how to look your information up online...really. Please don't do this.

And please, don't end this conversation screaming and yelling and swearing at us because you don't know your own address. It isn't pretty.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Santa and the Politician

From my calls this week:

Me: And what is the email address on that account?
Customer: Well, I don't really know. Santa brought it.
(this person was an adult)

Me: And did you do [xyz] before you called?
Customer: I don't remember. It isn't something I record in my mind, you know, what I do.
(this person simply must be a politician. "I do not recall!")

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Why I Am Glad It's Saturday

Me: Do you have another address we could ship to besides the PO box? One that UPS or Fedex could use?
Customer: No, please use the PO box.
Me: All right, that will arrive between April 8 and April 12.
Customer: That long?! Can't you make it come faster?
Me: I'm sorry, I can't ship any faster than that to a PO box.
Customer: Even if I paid you?
Me: I'm sorry, it sounds like I need to replace that for you.
Customer: Could you upgrade it, then?
Me: Ma'am, you already have the latest model.
Customer: No, I want that new iPad thing that just came out.
(keep in mind...I do NOT work for Apple...)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

"I'm So Glad You Speak American!"

If you know me well, you know I hang out on the socially and fiscally conservative end of the spectrum. But anytime I hear someone begin to spout off about people needing to speak English, my stomach gets upset and my respect meter takes a dive.

Perhaps it's the four years I spent studying another language, or the time I spent in another country (where, ironically, people made a great effort to speak to me in English until they figured out I could speak Spanish). It could also be the 10 years I lived in the brown half of a fiercely divided town, the men I have dated from other cultures or, I don't know, my common sense?

"I'm so glad you speak American" is something I hear far too often from callers. It is twice as disgusting as the usual English-only crud I come across. One, because 'American' isn't a language (speaking of which....'America' isn't a country, either), and two, because I work for an international company. Yes, when you call, the person you speak to may have an accent. This might make you uncomfortable (well, no one ever complains about the Irish accents. Maybe because Irish people tend to be white?). But it is solely your problem. The company I work for hires the cream of the crop at any location and while there is an occasional linguistic mishap, in the year and a half that I have been doing my job, I have been impressed. It is not anti-American of us to hire outside this country. After all, we sell outside this country, and if one thing is sure, 'America' sure appreciates our prices.

I think what bothers me most is that this particular brand of xenophobia tends to be associated with people and things that I hold dear or believe in. But you want my opinion? Here it is!

It is prideful. English is not a better-educated, classier, richer, conservative, better-sounding or more useful language. You just think it is because you have been speaking it all your life. By the way--thinking they need to learn to speak English to deserve to live here? Um, you were born here about four years before you became a proficient English-speaker.

It is ignorant. Do you know what I hear the most often? The opinion that people come to the US and never learn to speak English. After all, everywhere you shop, someone is speaking another language! Why can't they just get it in gear and learn English anyway? Well, I have news for you: THEY ARE. It's kind of like saying, "Everywhere I go there are more teenagers! Why can't they just grow up already?!" The problem isn't that the teenagers refuse to grow up (that's another post entirely), but that every day, more kids become teenagers. Likewise, it isn't that people are refusing to learn English--every day, more non-English-speakers join us in the great Melting Pot. You are just too blind to realize that they aren't the same non-English-speakers you were so hateful with a year ago.

Additionally, if your husband were transferred to Germany and you moved there 60 days from now, would you speak German well enough to get around town and get your business done? I highly doubt it. Don't make demands on others that you don't make on yourself.

When I lived in a heavily Spanish-speaking area, I got great opportunities to speak Spanish. But there was always a vying for languages taking place. I wanted to speak Spanish, my neighbors wanted to practice English. One gal, determined to learn the language, but home with three young children while her husband worked two jobs, would watch TV with the subtitles on, to try and learn to read and speak English while folding the laundry or cooking dinner. One semester she was able to join an ESL class that our church started, but her hands were simply too full to continue. (What? You mean they weren't on welfare, sucking our tax dollars? Sigh) Trust me, it isn't lack of desire or diligence at work here!

It's historically inaccurate. You think people used to hop off the boat and dive into an ESL class? Think again. I have a friend in her 70s who didn't learn English until she went to school, and she was born here in the States. You and I? Our backgrounds almost surely contain travelers who came to the US with a Mother Tongue, and sadly, somewhere our families lost them! If you ask my son, I'm sure he'd tell you he'd rather have grown up speaking German than walk to the high school every morning to beg for that teaching. My great grandmother must have spoken it as a child, but my grandmother never learned. The English-only attitudes that abound are causing families in this country today to try to not pass down this heritage. How sad! I will also point out that many Native American people groups are losing their language...and they were here before any English-speakers!

It's a bully's tactic. Pay special attention, my homeschooling friends. Those attitudes we love to miss out on by keeping our kids at home? I hear them in the English-only mantras. Good gracious, we wouldn't want anyone to be unique or different, no, everyone needs to be the same! And if they aren't the same, well, then, they aren't as good as the rest of us and they don't deserve what we have. (Interestingly, when I was in Guatemala with Wycliffe I learned that almost always, when a culture does not have a written language of its own, the people both within and surrounding that culture view them as lesser humans. Do we want to make people feel that way?)

It's arrogant. We can demand this because we are the United States? Few countries have this kind of rule. France isn't a country we want to emulate, is it? Most governments recognize that more than one language is in use in a large population. Why can't we? The prevalence of English speakers worldwide is due to just a couple things--British occupations and US pride. It might interest you to know that people in India (oh, the dreaded call centers!) grow up speaking English. That would be the English that is even more English than our English, a result of England's occupation there. And then there are those who cater to us because their economy depends on our money (see 'bully's tactic,' above).

It's useless and pointless. Exactly what are we hoping to gain? Discouraging people from coming to this country? Making everyone just like us? Or do we just want to be more comfortable when we go to the Wal-Mart? What insecurity is this feeding?

And, finally, it is not Biblical.
Ezekiel 22:7b The alien they have oppressed in your midst ; the fatherless and the widow they have wronged in you. (here we go...oppressing foreigners is listed with such things as raping one's daughter in law)

Deuteronomy 10:18-19 "He executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and shows His love by giving him food and clothing. So show your love for the alien, for you were aliens of Egypt." (and here we have a reminder--if you are a Christian, then YOU are an alien here on earth, as well)

Deuteronomy 27:19 'Cursed is he who distorts the justice due an alien, orphan, and widow.' And all the people shall say, 'Amen.' (wait...you mean that doesn't say Justice was only due to them if they had learned to speak Hebrew by then?)

The entire book of Ruth (go read it, it's a good story anyway!)

I encourage you to put aside any patriotism that has morphed into pride, to make decisions based not on your personal comfort but on logic and biblical standards, and to open your mind and your heart to the joy that those who journey here, to be part of this great country, which was founded on the right to be different, can share with you if you are willing.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Out of the Mouths of Adolescents, Take Two

Clumsily attempting to voice my opinion on Nate's new found habit of closing his bedroom door whenever he is in there, I said, "I hate this age."

"Don't worry, Mom! You'll be 35 soon."

(he then corrected my misconception--he has developed a habit of closing his bedroom door because he doesn't want to disturb me when I am working. Had nothing to do with his being 14)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Out of the Mouths of Adolescents

I am the thrilled recipient of a new-to-me pillow-top mattress. Best night's sleep I have had since staying at a Marriott! (I HAVE to get me one of their pillows).

Nathan wants my mattress. I told him he couldn't have it, and I said, "Besides, you are a man! This would be too soft for you!"

"Mom, men like soft. Why do you think they marry women?"

*snort* And this from the boy who still says girls have cooties.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Walking Before Breakfast

I don't know what happens on Saturdays but I hardly ever get in a walk. So for the past two weeks, I have walked on Sunday mornings--first thing, just like all the advice columns recommend. (Get it out of the way first thing in the morning! It'll make your day so much nicer!)

Walking before breakfast is not for me. My walks are inevitably slower and more painful, and due to that also shorter, than my mid-day or evening walks. Oh, sure, once the pain passes, I get the tail end of that warm, soft post-walk feeling, and I am sure as I sit in church I will be a bit less uncomfortable than usual, but clearly my body demands more fuel than is left over after a full night's sleep.

Poor Nate! This doesn't bode well for his goal of getting out of our near-daily walks together.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Why I Need a Vacation

Frequently when giving instructions I use 'we' instead of 'you'. I think it sounds less bossy. Today I told a lady, 'We need to plug it in now'. And she sat and waited a minute. Finally she said, 'Are you going to do that for me?'

Btw--vacation? I want to go on a cruise. It is the least work of any other vacation idea I can come up with.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Principal of the Thing

No, I did not use the wrong homonym...read on:

I was reading this story on CNN, which has many facets that I will not explore. The facet I would like to explore is from this quote:
Bayer [the school principal] also removed her from Advanced Placement classes and assigned her to regular classes.

That's right...this student was punished by banning her from learning!

As someone who was yanked out of AP classes as punishment ("If you aren't going to get good grades in advanced classes, you will have to go back to regular ones!"--which then caused me to be bored out of my skull until I finally dropped out, and which really didn't address the root of the issue as I learned what they wanted me to learn but simply refused to perform the way they wanted me to perform--seriously, can you tell yet why I homeschool?), I am appalled. Ninety percent of the students in school feel like knowledge is being shoved down their throats (I made that statistic up) and you take on of the tiny fraction who are hungry for knowledge and take it away? That should seriously be illegal. Clearly this principal doesn't actually have her students' education at the top of her list of priorities. Oh, no, it's all about conformity of thought...and here I could digress into areas that are best left untouched today.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Why I Hate Valentine's Day

(in which I use a lot of hyphens)

Completely aside from the whole haven't-had-a-valentine-in-a-decade thing, Valentine's Day grates on my nerves, a kind of Christmas-without-the-goodwill-toward-men fake-fuzzy holiday.

Maybe I feel that way because I work in retail?

One year ago, prior to my entry into tech support, I received two memorable Valentine's Day calls. The first was a marriage proposal. Yes, my service is really that good. The second? A man who claimed that he would be sleeping on the couch that night and it was all my fault. He had ordered his wife's gift and chosen the slowest shipping method known to mankind, in order to save money. Sadly, UPS left his box on a truck, and it was going to arrive a day late. The only things I could think of were, "If the success of your marriage depends on the timely arrival of your Valentine's Day gift, perhaps slow-as-molasses-but-free shipping is not the way to say I love you," and, "Here, let me direct you to the marriage self-help books..."

Today the onslaught began. One reason, perhaps, that I dislike this holiday is the cultural attitude that we have that says men can behave like *insert anatomically correct term here* the rest of the year if they just play right on this day. On the one hand, it puts far too much pressure on them and on the other, far too little. And how many men, feeling the pressure to find the 'perfect' gift to somehow prove their love, freeze under that pressure and end up ordering the gift very, very late...and then calling poor people like me to complain that I have single-handedly ruined their love life? Sigh.

Today I had a rather reverse call. A husband had been given an item for Valentine's day by his wife. Think of an iPod Touch. Only...he already owns one. And she bought it two months ago. Like, before Christmas. And she never noticed he already owned one! And now he's mad that we won't take it back for a full refund, because it has been too long since it was purchased.

So, lemme tell you: It doesn't matter how much you spend on the gift. It doesn't matter if UPS delivers it on time. It doesn't matter if a giant snowstorm invades half of your country and stops all deliveries. What matters is how much attention you pay to the actual person, how you treat them the other 364 days of the year. Changing diapers, fixing the cupboard door, a back rub, remembering to tell them how you feel every day...those things are worth far more. And UPS can't lose them.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Fat and Healthy--With Proof

You will be happy to know I am not diabetic. I am not even pre-diabetic. My cholesterol is low enough (although my HDL is not high enough, but I can fix that), my thyroid is happy, my blood counts are all correct, my metabolic panel is all correct, I am not anemic (although they said I must be slow to reproduce as I can only give blood every other time), and my doc is fairly happy.

I do, however, have a sinus infection, but that is good news, as I have been fighting it for years and it flared up on que to be seen while I was in the office this morning--maybe the scrip she wrote me will take care of it, finally (previously I was unable to convince a doctor that there was a problem, this one had the benefit of seeing me three weeks apart).

So there :-)

Monday, February 1, 2010

Ice Skating

In my quest to behave more like the children in my life, I went ice skating with Nate and Li'l Sis's youth group yesterday.

Quest to behave more like the kids? Well, kind of. I am trying to have more fun without letting my weight dictate the kind of fun I am 'allowed' to have. I ran around and played as a child and have yet to figure out why I gave it up.

Ice skating is on my list of Fun Things to Do, and I would love to take a few lessons. Earlier this winter I had read Fat Girl's Guide to Living's post on ice skating and found it helpful, but I didn't have much in the way of advanced notice, so most of the tips I wasn't able to follow.

I expected ankle problems but once one of the youth group moms tightened my skates for me, that wasn't an issue. (poor Nancy--she actually developed laces-tightening blisters!) My main issue seemed to be pain in the ball of my foot, which was unexpected, along with the fact that the rink was out of my size of skates by the time I got to the front of the line, so I ended up in men's hockey skates, which just aren't as comfortable. If I do decide to take lessons at some point, my own pair of skates is definitely in order!

All in all, I went out three or four times for a few laps each, and then passed my skates off to a skateless teenager. Never fell, and even skated backwards some :-) I am hoping the pain I experience can be alleviated by a combination of good skates and more experience as the skating itself is quite fun.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Junonia, Part 8: The Conclusion

The tracking number they gave me came alive later that day and I have actually received my order. They charged me the shipping that they had promised to refund, and I will call one more time to be removed from their mailing list. This was definitely a case of too little, too late.

The main problem here is not that the company had difficulty shipping my order on time. That happens--it's part of running a business like this one. The problem was the absolute lack of truthfulness or transparency, the piles and piles of lies (come on--a fake tracking number just to get me off the phone?), the clear message that Junonia does not care about their customers. As someone who works very hard to care about her customers, and works for a company that prides itself on doing so, I simply have no use for a company like Junonia.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Junonia, Part 7: Three Full Weeks Later

Last night I received a message on my phone from a mysterious Kelly at Junonia, who wanted to discuss my order with me. I called back, only to be told that she had just left, she only works until 6. I said to have her call me back today...and she did not. So I just called again. They said she had already gone home. I asked what time it was. It was 5. Um, ok, so 'six' means 'five' like 'in stock' means 'we have no idea' and 'in shipping' means 'we still have no idea'.

Then they told me that my order has shipped and gave me a tracking number. Oh, joy! I checked the tracking number on UPS and....it doesn't exist. Just like the FedEx tracking number they gave me two weeks ago. Somehow, I just can't get my hopes up.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Why I Get Paid the Big Bucks

(Ok, not so big.) Today's happy customer was looking for Wikipedia. Sadly, in his quest for this font of knowledge, he accidentally bought a tantric sex manual! This is why the internet should require a driver's test, folks. I got him a refund for his accidental purchase, and directed him toward the Wikipedia site. Once there, I suggested he enter a search term. A search term? He had no time for search terms! He just wanted to have Wikipedia. For his very own. I attempted to enlighten him but I don't think the seeds took root.

In the process, he also ran across some Haiti Relief ads and accused me of begging for money. And when he hung up he said he was upset. Some days...

Junonia, Part 6: Still In Process

Daphine tells me my order is 'in process'. I am beginning to wonder what that process is. Given the various forms my order has gone through, perhaps they are attempting to conjure it up with magic spells?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Junonia, Part 5: It's Back in the Box!

Riiiiight. According to Stephanie, today my order is 'in the shipping process' and 'just about to go out'. Of course, she can't tell me when it WILL ship or how long it has been 'in the shipping process'.

We'll see.

Because Healthy Isn't Healthy if it Isn't On Our Terms

Whole Foods Staffers to Pay Less If They Weigh Less

Apparently for Whole Foods stores, which I used to adore but now will not patronize, it isn't enough that you eat whole foods! No, you have to eat whole foods AND not smoke AND be skinny AND have the 'right' cholesterol numbers and blood pressure numbers. Otherwise, if you work for them, they will charge you more for the healthy food!

Does this make absolutely no sense to anyone else? You are not healthy enough for us...therefore we want to make it more expensive for you to get healthier...because we people whose numbers are perfect deserve it....good gracious.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Junonia, Part 4: Day 18 and Still More Lies

Today's call to Junonia netted me an associate named Sherona. Sherona informed me that not only is my order not in a box, waiting for the UPS truck (as Friday's and Saturday's associates had told me), that no one has even begun on it. She said too many people ahead of me in line are still waiting on their orders. She has no idea, she said, why anyone would have told me differently.

I have some ideas.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Junonia, Part 3: The Count-Up Continues

I called. My 'waiting in a box for UPS' order...didn't go out with today's UPS shipment. Hmm...wonder why that is?

I did, finally, get a person on the phone (ironically male) who actually seemed to care, and is refunding my shipping, without being asked. Or, at least, he says he is...I have been lied to so many times that I do not dare get my hopes up.

And, no, no response from the ever-peppy Anne Kelley who is 'so happy to serve' me.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Junonia, Part 2: Still Falling Down on the Job

Yesterday I sent this letter to Junonia's uber-cheerful 'Founder' (sorry...have to listen to her 'we're so happy' message every time I call):


I am sorry to say that I will never shop with your company again. I have also shared these sentiments on my blog, where I frequently write about issues we face as plus-size women, and about my journey towards a more active lifestyle.

The reason that I will no longer buy from your company is that I have experienced some of the worst customer service of my life in the last two weeks (outdone only be telecommunications companies). I work for [insert best customer service company in universe] and I simply cannot tolerate the practices of your company, from a consumer's point of view, as I would never treat a customer as I have been treated.

On January 7
th I placed an order for three items, all listed in stock. The email confirmation I received said all items were in stock and would ship immediately. One week later, having received neither a shipping notice nor my package, I called your company and was informed that the order would ship out the next day and was given a Fedex Tracking number. I checked this tracking number the next day, and the next, and the next, with no results. I called again, I believe last Friday. At this point I was informed that my items were backordered and would have to wait for an inventory to be done, and that someone would call me back (no one ever did). I called again this Monday and was told the items would ship out on Tuesday or Wednesday and I would be given free next-day shipping. Today is Thursday and, having received no package, I called one more time. This time I was told that the items were there, but they simply aren't going to be shipped yet, and no one can tell me when I should receive them. This is two full weeks after the email confirmation, which stated that all items were in stock and would ship immediately. Apparently, there is another definition for 'immediately' of which I was not aware.

I understand from some of your representatives, who, frankly, did not seem to care about my order, that you moved your warehouse and stopped shipping all orders in order to do inventory. While I can understand the necessity of the first and the lure of the second, it is bad practice to not put a notice on your website, during the order process, and in the confirmation emails that all shipping is halted, so that your customers are not left hanging as I have been. I know that if you had placed an order with the company I work for, and for some reason we were not able to fulfill it on time, we would contact you to let you know, not leave you waiting for weeks and making call after call, getting a different story each time until finally you feel like your money and your items are being held ransom.

I hope in the future your company will provide both a good product and good service, but unfortunately, I am not willing to wait for it.

Jennifer -----

Today I called again. They said that--happy news!--my items had been BOXED and were waiting for UPS. Yeah...right. Do they staff with snails and sloths, or what? Actually, having been told more than once over the last two weeks that my items were on the brink of shipping...I think it's hogwash.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


I am very sorry to say that I will never buy from Junonia again. This is unfortunate, because they carry items that are difficult to find elsewhere. But their customer service has been inexcusable.

Two full weeks ago, on January 7th, I placed an order. My order confirmation email specifically says all items are in stock and will ship immediately. As of today, they have not yet shipped. As of today, the only further communication has been when I have called them--they didn't call or email me to let me know that things were running extremely late. I have called four times and two of those times have been told everything was about to ship out. But it has not. Apparently they have moved their entire warehouse AND done a stop-all-shipping inventory during this time. No notices on the website to let customers know this would happen, though.

Where I work, you get an email if your items will arrive either early or late. We don't shut down an entire company to count things. We don't leave customers hanging. Unfortunately, we also don't sell plus-size active wear, so the search will continue.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I Know It Isn't Summer...

but I just found this site and it is really, really neat, so I thought I would pass it along. I haven't bought anything, just 'window shopped' but I have never seen such a huge collection of suits and, since I am likely never going to buy from Junonia again after my most recent experience with them, this find is certainly timely.

Swimsuits for All sells suits for size 8 and up. From functional to pretty, including post-mastectomy styles.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Last night was my grandma's birthday, so we had a family dinner at a local restaurant (with the absolute best soup-and-salad bar in the area). Li'l Sis and I both left chocolate on the table, uneaten, and she got chided for it (I think they have all given up on trying to impact my eating habits. Yay.) The thing is, though...chocolate is not sacred. No food is.

When I make a dress, I buy a length of fabric, and inevitably, I throw a bunch in the garbage--the scraps. Am I wasting them? Of course not. Those pieces of fabric would get in the way of creating a well-fitting, flattering garment.

When an artist sculpts something out of clay, there's scraping, trimming, and tossing. Is that waste? No, if the artist were forced to incorporate every bit of clay from the block, we'd have an ugly masterpiece, indeed.

Haircuts, woodworking, scrapbooking, even a little child's artwork--all of it involves tossing the extraneous material. Why should a meal be any different? If the aim of eating a meal is physical and emotional satisfaction, and giving energy to the body, then there are times-many times for some-when that means leaving food on the plate. The broccoli is bitter, the chocolate is too sweet or not tasty enough, the stomach is simply not asking for quite that much food...I would really like to see 'wasted' food seen in the same light as tossing the fabric scraps, trimming the clay away and sanding the wood, rather than the all-too-common moral imperative to clean one's plate. Not to mention the fact that if you aren't hungry and you eat the food just to get it eaten...it's still wasted, only you still have to deal with it.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

White Rice: Not the Breakfast of Champions

So, the question on your minds, I am sure, is why Jennifer would eat a bowl of white rice for breakfast? I will tell you.

My mom and my sister were diagnosed with pre-diabetes and diabetes, respectively, within a few months of one another. I figured it behooved me to find out of I had it as well. So, I bought a glucose meter and ran the equivalent of a glucose tolerance test on myself, using rice rather than that nasty syrup they give you at the labs, or jelly bellies, which make my stomach unhappy. (if you don't know--you can actually use jelly belly jelly beans--so all you pregnant ladies, go armed with this info to your prenatal appointments! LOL)

The results? Nothing too terrible but not great, either.
Fasting level: 90
1 hour after eating rice: 164
2 hours: 112
3 hours: 86

The interesting thing is that I was trying to get used to my meter yesterday (rather than using it for the first time at 5:30 a.m.) and tested myself an hour after eating a turkey salad sandwich. I tested at 84, which is really good.

The only explanation I can come up with is that I don't handle straight carbs well. This, of course, would explain why I rarely drink soda, and then only with a meal, always have to have protein with my breakfast, can no longer happily eat the amounts of rice and other carbs that I used to eat, and that apples make me hungry. I have decided that by eating intuitively, I have allowed my body to tell me what it can and can not deal with, and have basically been managing my sensitive blood sugar without knowing the numbers and dealing with sore fingertips.

I will, of course, be calling my doctor's office and requesting an A1C test to confirm this theory.

Now, if the question in your minds has become, 'Will this scare Jennifer back onto the diet bandwagon where she belongs?' then you clearly have not been reading what I have written, and you suffer from some misconceptions.

First, being fat does not cause diabetes. Being diabetic frequently does cause weight-gain, and that is where you get the correlation, but you don't cause diabetes by what you eat or what you weigh, and losing weight doesn't magically make it go away.

Secondly, even if losing weight made diabetes go away, the fact is that 99% of diets fail. And weight cycling IS bad for diabetes (weight cycling is another risk factor), and is also bad for my mental health, and so I will never, ever be going there again.

Thirdly, Intuitive Eating has brought me to a place where I feel better than I have in years and I can't imagine abandoning it now would make me healthier.

And, finally, I choose not to live in fear.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Self-perception, Again.

I started Karate class tonight. After three years of watching from the sidelines, I thought it was about time.

The lady leading the warm-ups looked at me after a few minutes and said, "So you're one of the flexible types!"

I actually argued with her. I have never, ever thought of myself as flexible, but apparently I have been mistaken. Somehow I had a misconception about body size and composition as it equates (or doesn't equate) to being flexible. I am now in the process of re-adjusting my understanding.

Class was fun. I survived. Might regret it in the morning, though!