The Daily Grind

Since I have started working again I have begun to notice that not only is it difficult to feed myself when I am hungry, but it is difficult to notice my hunger. Recently I have begun grinding my teeth-something I have never done!-and finally figured out that it almost always occurs when my body needs food and isn't getting it. This is carrying over into the off-work hours, as well, much to my annoyance. Somehow I have GOT to learn to notice these signals before they reach that point, and I also need to be more diligent about having food on hand while at work. The only stuff available there is a snack machine with almost nothing in it that I like or that would help my tummy, and the school cafe, which is across campus and also doesn't have much in the way of good food (good here meaning enjoyable food, since food is morally neutral in my kingdom).

Intuitive Eating is turning out to be a much longer process for me than I thought when I began and made so much progress so quickly. It seems every week something else pops up in my path. That's ok, they are learning experiences, right? I am grateful that I can eat at my desk (if I am prepared to do so) at this job, although I still struggle with feeling like people will be saying to themselves, "Look, that fat girl is ALWAYS eating!"

I was talking to someone who mentioned that Halloween candy can be kept in the freezer and handed out the following year. This may be fine for some people, but I simply cannot do it. When I was a girl, my mom couldn't 'control' her own eating, and so she spent a lot of time controlling mine. One of her tactics was to take away all my Halloween candy, put it in the trunk of her car, and eat it herself. It would be perpetuating that dysfunction for me to do something similar. Nate didn't trick-or-treat, so the candy we have leftover from the goblins who visited is the only candy around. Interestingly, he has declined the opportunity to purchase gummy bears (his fave treat) or take candy from grandparents' leftovers--his reasoning being that he has plenty of Starburst and Skittles here at home to eat still. His attitude is so normal that it stuns me sometimes. Of course he doesn't have to horde and grab. No one is trying to take his candy away!