Things I Learned on My Vacation:

1. Mosquitoes are evil.
2. When living amongst swarms of mosquitoes, teenage boys are apt to re-name cortisone sticks "Happy Juice."
3. Children are more likely to fight over homemade salsa than they are candy.
5. When subjected to a TV- and Internet-free existence, children may beg to play Yahtzee and complain they don't have enough time to read their books, what with all the swimming in the lake and Yahtzee-playing they are doing.
6. After teenage boys catch 'pet' frogs, they can spend happy hours with dimestore butterfly nets catching 'frog food'. One net was even pink, but you didn't hear that from me.
7. Country men manning a teensy Ace Hardware store that keeps its overstock in a barn covered with a tarp next to cages of rabbits are mightily amused at city girls asking for hula-hoop making supplies.
8. Ladies of size may be more easily able to hula hoop with a *giant* hoop. No joke-I thought my chest-high hoop would do it, but I didn't really get it until I made a five-foot diameter hoop. I would not have had to make that hoop had we been able to pack our hoops into the van, but it was packed so tightly we may actually have misplaced a child at one point.
9. Hula hoops tied to the top of a van make a LOT of noise at 70 mph.
10. If you have a dog and live on a hill, you will *never* need to buy a Stairmaster.
11. When locked in a van full of folks singing Justin Bieber songs at the top of their lungs, my camo-wearing, Bieber-hating son will give in and sing along.
12. Children (ages 10-16) who run through the woods, catch frogs and frog food, swim in the lake twice a day, and go fishing in a paddleboat take naps without complaining, or at times, even meaning to do so!
13. I need to move to Mexico, to a town where siestas are still de rigueur.
14. Most of my sleep problems appear to be due to stress. Except for the night before our return, I fell asleep when the light went out and slept like a rock all night long. Now I just need to figure out how to better deal with the stress in my life so that I can sleep well every night!
15. It's easier to learn dog names than human names. We met Snaps, Jake, Bruno, Oprah and Winfrey.
16. 10 year olds make excellent tour guides.