Why Nate May Not Make It to 17

Nate: "I ordered new windshield wipers for your car the other day and according to the system, your engine is a supercharged V6."
Me: "I told you it was a V6."
Nate: "Well, yeah, but you're....a girl."

Nate's New Blanket

You know those double-layer fleece blankets that are held together by fringing the fleece and tying hundreds of knots? Well, Nate outgrew the one I had made him years ago, so my friend and I made him another yesterday. Last night we curled up to watch NCIS LA and he couldn't decide which blanket to use. (Nate tends to anthropomorphize a little too much.)

Nate: "I feel like I am cheating on my old blanket, because I want to use the new one. I've had it for years. I don't want to hurt its feelings."
Me: "It's a blanket. It doesn't have feelings."
Nate: "How do you know?"
Me: "Well, it didn't scream when I cut it all those times."
Nate: "Maybe it's Emo."

High School & Hypocrisy

Facebook is an interesting place. Although I live in the same town in which I grew up, I 'see' more school chums on Facebook than around town, even when they still live here, too. Since it's been nearly 20 years since my graduating class graduated without me, these virtual relationships bring surprises. One good high school friend, for instance, persists in refusing to speak to me just because I got pregnant during senior year. Seriously. And it's fun to see who married whom, who has kids, etc.

All this to say that this week a 'friend' un-friended me all because I dared criticize our high school!

For those who don't know, Nate attends two classes at the same high school I attended (German and French). He's been very blessed in the instructors he's been assigned. However, he's still in a public school two hours a day, with all that entails. This week it entailed something that his mother found irresponsible, unnecessary and above all, not educational in the least. And I posted about it on Facebook. No-Longer-Friend answered that she thought the same thing happened when we attended. In answering this No-Longer-Friend's answer to my complaint, I pointed out that in Washington State, an average of ten thousand dollars in tax money is used for each student, far more than private school tuition, but the results of the education are far less impressive. In fact, at this particular high school, less than half of 10th graders pass the 10th grade Math exam, and only slightly more than half pass the Science exam. The way I figure it, if they are taking this money, but not getting the job done, then the last thing they need to do is waste class time and administrative power on non-essentials such as a school-sponsored electronic dating service (no, I am not making this up).

Anyway, fast forward to where I am called a hypocrite for daring to repeat the above. Well, thank you, No-Longer-Friend, for pointing out yet another area in which our alma mater failed us: The use of a dictionary!

Hypocrite n.
1.
a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

How does pointing out flaws in a school at which I attended (not by choice, even) make me a hypocrite? I didn't like the school then, didn't feel it was giving me a good education or preparing me for life, and I feel the same way now, only more strongly. Apparently I am a hypocrite for hoping my son and sister make better choices and have better opportunities than I did?

Shall we assume, then, that No-Longer-Friend is going to encourage her daughters to take their mom's romance novels with them to middle school and read the naughty parts aloud to their lunch table? I ask because this is my earliest memory of No-Longer-Friend. Or is it just possible that growing up, we gain wisdom and learning? Actually, Nate and I often have a conversation that begins with me saying I wish I had been more like him at his age and him pointing out that if that had been the case he would not exist.

It is never hypocrisy to learn from your mistakes, or even from the mistakes of others. It isn't hypocrisy to change your mind. It isn't hypocrisy to have rules for your kids that you didn't follow when you were a kid. And it definitely isn't hypocrisy to point out the flaws in an entity that you were once a part of. Some might even call it progress in the making.

Quotes & Conversations

Me: And why can't you do that yourself?
Nathan: Because you are the intelligenter one.
(point proven)

Me: And what is your email address?
Customer: I don't give that out, ever. Can't I just give you my credit card number?

Me: Nate, it's time to go running.
Nathan: I guess I can't wimp out while wearing a Marines PT shirt, can I?
Me: Good thinking!
Nathan: I'm going to go change shirts...

Out of the Mouths of Adolescents, Take Two

Clumsily attempting to voice my opinion on Nate's new found habit of closing his bedroom door whenever he is in there, I said, "I hate this age."

"Don't worry, Mom! You'll be 35 soon."

(he then corrected my misconception--he has developed a habit of closing his bedroom door because he doesn't want to disturb me when I am working. Had nothing to do with his being 14)

Out of the Mouths of Adolescents

I am the thrilled recipient of a new-to-me pillow-top mattress. Best night's sleep I have had since staying at a Marriott! (I HAVE to get me one of their pillows).

Nathan wants my mattress. I told him he couldn't have it, and I said, "Besides, you are a man! This would be too soft for you!"

"Mom, men like soft. Why do you think they marry women?"

*snort* And this from the boy who still says girls have cooties.

I Wish All My Customers Were Kids

My last customer today was about 11 years old. From time to time, I get a child on the phone. I wish all my customers were kids! Now, my view is probably skewed a bit because, of course, the kids who call tech support are clearly kids whose parents allow them to do so (one would assume) and who, therefore, are probably the kind of kids who are encouraged to be thoughtful, polite, etc. But this is what I know--they do what I tell them to do, without arguing. They explain the problem they are having quite clearly and generally without telling me what they think went wrong (and when they do tell me, invariably it makes me smile). They are extremely honest about what they did to their gadgets. And they are very, very tech-savvy.

More than once, I have been on the phone with a parent who is calling about a device they have never used. I usually ask to speak the kid. After all, if I tell the parent and the parent tells the kid...well, playing tech-support telephone is not a recipe for great results. Plus, I love to talk to kids.

I think there's a lesson here. Children are very capable, of more than most parents realize. And if we treat them like regular people, and expect them to conduct business like we would expect any over-18-year-old person to conduct themselves, they generally have no problem doing so. They don't need to be babied when it comes to interpersonal relations. (I think that's one of the reasons I dislike the standard school system--keeping them all cooped up in rooms full of people just the same age keeps them from developing adult-level social skills.)

Eating My Words

Tonight was promotion night at Jukido. I was sure it was too soon for Nate to get promoted--after all, he just made orange in the Spring. But I was wrong, and am now the mother of a Blue belt!

Does Our Insurance Cover Mental Health?

Normally Nate can wander in my 'office' and chat with me or ask schoolwork questions between calls. I thought I should let him know that this afternoon we are running a stress test and I won't be available. He asked me what a stress test is.
"Well, for a couple hours we are going to run at top capacity, until--"
"One of you cracks?"

Yes, son, they are performing experiments on the employees. (fyi, it's to test the equipment/systems)

Hanging On To Dreams

This morning Nate and I were chatting with a bright young man who is in the midst of filling out scholarship applications, as he begins college next year. Somehow this segued into Nate discussing what he wants to study and the limitations of local opportunities for a child of his age (Nate will be 14 in two weeks). After getting over the 'what grade are you in' hump (um...all of the above?), the bright young man asked Nate what he wanted to be when he grew up.

"I want to be in the FBI."

I winced. I feel awful about it, but it's true. I winced. Until that moment, Nate appeared intelligent, mature, older than his years...and then out came his childhood dream. Nate has wanted to be in the FBI since he was about six, except for a short period in the middle where he didn't think he could shoot to kill. Even though he is seriously considering going into the Navy, his career goal is still the FBI (or possibly NCIS, but he says very few people get into the NCIS).

This evening, while he's gone at youth group and I am sitting in the quiet with nothing to do but be circumspect, I have been pondering my reaction to his announcement. I guess part of me considers it a childish, impossible dream, and figures other people will hear him say that and *boom* think he's 10 years old. Finally it dawned on me. The FBI is real. There are real FBI agents. They did not get there by accident! Clearly, some people hold on to that childhood dream, and thank goodness they do!

Nate comes by his dream honestly enough, with law enforcement on both sides of the family. When he talks about his career goals, he talks about double government pensions. He is not a little boy any longer, and I guess it's about time his mother realized he's serious about this FBI business. So here's to hanging on to the dream!

Modern Fairy Tales

I was sitting unsuspecting in the ladies' room this evening when two short people (ages three and five) in matching Barbie Cheerleader outfits invaded. They were not, however, pretending to be Barbies. No, they were princesses of some sort (they could not remember their pretend names) and did not let nature's call stall (no pun intended) their fantasy. I kept as quiet as I could, so that I would not scare them back to reality.

The fantasy unfolded before my ears. The two princesses were apparently in great mourning, as over the course of our stay in the ladies' room, several of their fellow royal children were struck down by either plague or witches' curses. (their mothers were the witches, oddly enough).

What struck me as a harbinger of this century, however, was actually that the death notices came via text message. No joke! Some previously dead prince named Peter kept texting them with sad tidings. Whatever happened to scrolls? Heralds? The Pony Express? Sigh.

Shaking My Head

You know every mother's curse on her children? It's the one that goes, "I hope you have one just like you!"

Nathan's response?

"I WANT that to happen. I want a whole bunch just like me. Then I will curse them so they have several like me...and pretty soon, my clones will take over the world!"

Giving Homeschoolers a Good Name

Me, to Nate, who supposedly (long story there) starts his first-ever public school course tomorrow morning: "So, should I find the school handbook and make you read it so you don't break any rules?"
"Mom! NO! If I read it I won't have plausible deniability!"
"Nate, there is no such thing as plausible deniability in the public school system."
"Oh, shoot. I was hoping for some lag time."

Aw, Shoot

Nate outgrew an entire wardrobe in one week. I knew he was an inch taller when I picked him up than when he left for boot camp, but we thought that might be attributed to his learning to stand up straight. But now all of his shirts are too narrow in the shoulders all of a sudden. Hand-me-downs? Not on your life. Not only does Brandon wear his clothes to pieces, he prefers jeans and button-down flannel shirts. Nate won't touch either and lives in cargo pants and crew necks (when not in uniform). Given his color preferences, I should probably shop some army surplus store. Anyone know of a khaki-olive drab-navy sale?

The Kid Has a Point

Nathan, watching an episode of Magnum PI:
"Mom, you HAVE to see this part!"
"Nate, I have seen all these episodes."
"Yeah, but your memory isn't what it used to be."
"Well, it's good enough that when Sensei asks me if you have been behaving tomorrow night, I will remember to say no!"
"Mom...karate is tonight."
"Oh."

Dang it anyhow.

He's Back

After ten very long and boring days, Nate has returned. My grandmother and I fetched him yesterday and I am very proud to say that for the first time ever, I went to the West side and did not get lost, not even for a minute! We even got off the highway at points on purpose! Yay!

Ok, so if you are done laughing at me...

Nate had a great time. He said he got enough to eat (this was a concern as they were limited to three meals a day and Nate eats 7 most days). His instructor told me that Nate was a great help to some of the other kids, one in particular who was quite homesick. Of course, he also said that Nate kept trying to teach the classes...which is reminiscent of the first parent-teacher conference my poor mother had during my school career. (Jenny does all right, but would you let her know that I am the teacher?)

He is still wearing Navy gear. It appears that it has become fused into his very being.

He ran (yes, ran) to the store last night to buy gummy bears. Not only were they not allowed at boot camp, the superior cadets WERE eating them, and apparently this was torture tantamount to that which the CIA uses for interrogation.

Now we are trying to move from recovery mode to useful mode. It isn't going so smoothly.

Pride Going Before The Fall

While waiting for karate class to finish, I was singing in the car with the windows down. Granted, I can be quite loud, especially when moved.

I guess one of the other moms overheard me, because she went inside the building and said to my son, "Your mother has the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. What must it be like living with her?"

Nate answered, "Annoying."

I believe this answer stems from an incident the other night when he was stranded in the bathroom with no TP and trying to get my attention. I was singing in the kitchen and didn't hear him until he started banging on the wall.

I will try to keep his answer in mind while he is gone for the next 10 days and I am missing him like crazy.

Shoot Me Now

Nate got more uniforms today. That need patches. Oh, joy.

I had a customer today. Well, I had about fifty, but I had one memorable one.

"Push the 'ABCD' button."
"When I do that, it says X"
"That doesn't sound right. Are you sure you are pushing the 'ABCD' button?"
"Well, of course. Look, I will do it again. See? It still says X"
"Hmm, ok, push the 'EFGG' button"
"That seems to do the same thing as the other button."
"Odd. Ok, now push the button that says 'ABCD' on it."
"I did, and it now says X"
"So, written on the button, it says 'A B C D?"
"You mean at the bottom?"
"The bottom? Um...no, I want you to push RIGHT WHERE IT SAYS ABCD"
"Oh, look...you know, you might have something there." !!!

It IS Saturday, right?

So, Netflix is now shipping on Saturdays. Only I didn't find this out until it was too late to adjust my queue! Argh.

I was up half the night sewing patches on Nate's Navy Leaguer uniforms. If I never see another name tape it will be too soon. This morning I said, "There, I am all done! Now you know your momma loves you!" Nate said, "Or you are just doing your best to get rid of me for nine days!" LOL, at least now he can go to boot camp, and I still say I will come out ahead since I don't have to feed him while he's gone. Gonna miss him, though.

A clue to Nate's sense of humor: On my way out the door I asked him to turn off the lamp. It's been acting funny lately and I am worried about hazards. So I said, "Turn off this lamp before you leave. I don't want it left on when no one's home."

"I know what you mean, Mom! It's been convicted of assault four times and in jail on possession charges twice."

Sigh.

File This Under...

'things I never thought I would have to say, prior to becoming a parent.'

"There is NO BUTT BITING in this game of Twister!"