You will be happy to know I am not diabetic. I am not even pre-diabetic. My cholesterol is low enough (although my HDL is not high enough, but I can fix that), my thyroid is happy, my blood counts are all correct, my metabolic panel is all correct, I am not anemic (although they said I must be slow to reproduce as I can only give blood every other time), and my doc is fairly happy.
I do, however, have a sinus infection, but that is good news, as I have been fighting it for years and it flared up on que to be seen while I was in the office this morning--maybe the scrip she wrote me will take care of it, finally (previously I was unable to convince a doctor that there was a problem, this one had the benefit of seeing me three weeks apart).
So there :-)
Showing posts with label Fat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fat. Show all posts
Monday, February 8, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Because Healthy Isn't Healthy if it Isn't On Our Terms
Whole Foods Staffers to Pay Less If They Weigh Less
Apparently for Whole Foods stores, which I used to adore but now will not patronize, it isn't enough that you eat whole foods! No, you have to eat whole foods AND not smoke AND be skinny AND have the 'right' cholesterol numbers and blood pressure numbers. Otherwise, if you work for them, they will charge you more for the healthy food!Does this make absolutely no sense to anyone else? You are not healthy enough for us...therefore we want to make it more expensive for you to get healthier...because we people whose numbers are perfect deserve it....good gracious.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Waste
Last night was my grandma's birthday, so we had a family dinner at a local restaurant (with the absolute best soup-and-salad bar in the area). Li'l Sis and I both left chocolate on the table, uneaten, and she got chided for it (I think they have all given up on trying to impact my eating habits. Yay.) The thing is, though...chocolate is not sacred. No food is.
When I make a dress, I buy a length of fabric, and inevitably, I throw a bunch in the garbage--the scraps. Am I wasting them? Of course not. Those pieces of fabric would get in the way of creating a well-fitting, flattering garment.
When an artist sculpts something out of clay, there's scraping, trimming, and tossing. Is that waste? No, if the artist were forced to incorporate every bit of clay from the block, we'd have an ugly masterpiece, indeed.
Haircuts, woodworking, scrapbooking, even a little child's artwork--all of it involves tossing the extraneous material. Why should a meal be any different? If the aim of eating a meal is physical and emotional satisfaction, and giving energy to the body, then there are times-many times for some-when that means leaving food on the plate. The broccoli is bitter, the chocolate is too sweet or not tasty enough, the stomach is simply not asking for quite that much food...I would really like to see 'wasted' food seen in the same light as tossing the fabric scraps, trimming the clay away and sanding the wood, rather than the all-too-common moral imperative to clean one's plate. Not to mention the fact that if you aren't hungry and you eat the food just to get it eaten...it's still wasted, only you still have to deal with it.
When I make a dress, I buy a length of fabric, and inevitably, I throw a bunch in the garbage--the scraps. Am I wasting them? Of course not. Those pieces of fabric would get in the way of creating a well-fitting, flattering garment.
When an artist sculpts something out of clay, there's scraping, trimming, and tossing. Is that waste? No, if the artist were forced to incorporate every bit of clay from the block, we'd have an ugly masterpiece, indeed.
Haircuts, woodworking, scrapbooking, even a little child's artwork--all of it involves tossing the extraneous material. Why should a meal be any different? If the aim of eating a meal is physical and emotional satisfaction, and giving energy to the body, then there are times-many times for some-when that means leaving food on the plate. The broccoli is bitter, the chocolate is too sweet or not tasty enough, the stomach is simply not asking for quite that much food...I would really like to see 'wasted' food seen in the same light as tossing the fabric scraps, trimming the clay away and sanding the wood, rather than the all-too-common moral imperative to clean one's plate. Not to mention the fact that if you aren't hungry and you eat the food just to get it eaten...it's still wasted, only you still have to deal with it.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
White Rice: Not the Breakfast of Champions
So, the question on your minds, I am sure, is why Jennifer would eat a bowl of white rice for breakfast? I will tell you.
My mom and my sister were diagnosed with pre-diabetes and diabetes, respectively, within a few months of one another. I figured it behooved me to find out of I had it as well. So, I bought a glucose meter and ran the equivalent of a glucose tolerance test on myself, using rice rather than that nasty syrup they give you at the labs, or jelly bellies, which make my stomach unhappy. (if you don't know--you can actually use jelly belly jelly beans--so all you pregnant ladies, go armed with this info to your prenatal appointments! LOL)
The results? Nothing too terrible but not great, either.
Fasting level: 90
1 hour after eating rice: 164
2 hours: 112
3 hours: 86
The interesting thing is that I was trying to get used to my meter yesterday (rather than using it for the first time at 5:30 a.m.) and tested myself an hour after eating a turkey salad sandwich. I tested at 84, which is really good.
The only explanation I can come up with is that I don't handle straight carbs well. This, of course, would explain why I rarely drink soda, and then only with a meal, always have to have protein with my breakfast, can no longer happily eat the amounts of rice and other carbs that I used to eat, and that apples make me hungry. I have decided that by eating intuitively, I have allowed my body to tell me what it can and can not deal with, and have basically been managing my sensitive blood sugar without knowing the numbers and dealing with sore fingertips.
I will, of course, be calling my doctor's office and requesting an A1C test to confirm this theory.
Now, if the question in your minds has become, 'Will this scare Jennifer back onto the diet bandwagon where she belongs?' then you clearly have not been reading what I have written, and you suffer from some misconceptions.
First, being fat does not cause diabetes. Being diabetic frequently does cause weight-gain, and that is where you get the correlation, but you don't cause diabetes by what you eat or what you weigh, and losing weight doesn't magically make it go away.
Secondly, even if losing weight made diabetes go away, the fact is that 99% of diets fail. And weight cycling IS bad for diabetes (weight cycling is another risk factor), and is also bad for my mental health, and so I will never, ever be going there again.
Thirdly, Intuitive Eating has brought me to a place where I feel better than I have in years and I can't imagine abandoning it now would make me healthier.
And, finally, I choose not to live in fear.
My mom and my sister were diagnosed with pre-diabetes and diabetes, respectively, within a few months of one another. I figured it behooved me to find out of I had it as well. So, I bought a glucose meter and ran the equivalent of a glucose tolerance test on myself, using rice rather than that nasty syrup they give you at the labs, or jelly bellies, which make my stomach unhappy. (if you don't know--you can actually use jelly belly jelly beans--so all you pregnant ladies, go armed with this info to your prenatal appointments! LOL)
The results? Nothing too terrible but not great, either.
Fasting level: 90
1 hour after eating rice: 164
2 hours: 112
3 hours: 86
The interesting thing is that I was trying to get used to my meter yesterday (rather than using it for the first time at 5:30 a.m.) and tested myself an hour after eating a turkey salad sandwich. I tested at 84, which is really good.
The only explanation I can come up with is that I don't handle straight carbs well. This, of course, would explain why I rarely drink soda, and then only with a meal, always have to have protein with my breakfast, can no longer happily eat the amounts of rice and other carbs that I used to eat, and that apples make me hungry. I have decided that by eating intuitively, I have allowed my body to tell me what it can and can not deal with, and have basically been managing my sensitive blood sugar without knowing the numbers and dealing with sore fingertips.
I will, of course, be calling my doctor's office and requesting an A1C test to confirm this theory.
Now, if the question in your minds has become, 'Will this scare Jennifer back onto the diet bandwagon where she belongs?' then you clearly have not been reading what I have written, and you suffer from some misconceptions.
First, being fat does not cause diabetes. Being diabetic frequently does cause weight-gain, and that is where you get the correlation, but you don't cause diabetes by what you eat or what you weigh, and losing weight doesn't magically make it go away.
Secondly, even if losing weight made diabetes go away, the fact is that 99% of diets fail. And weight cycling IS bad for diabetes (weight cycling is another risk factor), and is also bad for my mental health, and so I will never, ever be going there again.
Thirdly, Intuitive Eating has brought me to a place where I feel better than I have in years and I can't imagine abandoning it now would make me healthier.
And, finally, I choose not to live in fear.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Self-perception, Again.
I started Karate class tonight. After three years of watching from the sidelines, I thought it was about time.
The lady leading the warm-ups looked at me after a few minutes and said, "So you're one of the flexible types!"
I actually argued with her. I have never, ever thought of myself as flexible, but apparently I have been mistaken. Somehow I had a misconception about body size and composition as it equates (or doesn't equate) to being flexible. I am now in the process of re-adjusting my understanding.
Class was fun. I survived. Might regret it in the morning, though!
The lady leading the warm-ups looked at me after a few minutes and said, "So you're one of the flexible types!"
I actually argued with her. I have never, ever thought of myself as flexible, but apparently I have been mistaken. Somehow I had a misconception about body size and composition as it equates (or doesn't equate) to being flexible. I am now in the process of re-adjusting my understanding.
Class was fun. I survived. Might regret it in the morning, though!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
A Mental Exercise
Lately I have had fun with an exercise, I believe from Intuitive Eating, which goes something like this:
Imagine that a spell were cast on the world that locked everyone into their current weight. Nothing anyone would do from this time forward would change their weight one iota. Nothing you do will change your weight one single ounce! How would you live life differently?
Scary thought? It was for me, at first, as well. I could not imagine being happy at my current weight, so in my imagination, decades of misery stretched out before me. So sad!
Three years later, the story is different. And, that story in my imagination is much, much closer to my reality.
I eat freely, and in a way that feels good. I don't deny a hungry tummy the food it needs, and I rarely overfill it (and when I do, it's only by a smidge, no more pants-unbuttoning, uncomfortable belly!). I eat a variety of foods as my body requests them, from the 'healthy' foods to the 'fun' foods.
I move for the sake of moving and because I like how my body feels. My goals are different--to have strong legs, to go cross-country skiing, to have fun.
I buy and make clothes that fit me, right now. No more buying things that are too tight with the goal of fitting into them! No more denying myself clothes because I am too fat to deserve them! No more trying to hide or disguise the real me! And no more do I feel, after trying on something that doesn't work, that my body is the problem. Now I know it's the clothes.
I stop seeing myself through others' eyes, or my imaginary picture of others' eyes.
I love my physical self. I see all the positive things about my body now. It's strong and sturdy, with nice, dense bones, and curvy and sexy and it takes me where I want to go and it does what I want it to do.
What does your picture look like? What would letting go of the number on the scale set you free from? What richness could be added to your life?
Imagine that a spell were cast on the world that locked everyone into their current weight. Nothing anyone would do from this time forward would change their weight one iota. Nothing you do will change your weight one single ounce! How would you live life differently?
Scary thought? It was for me, at first, as well. I could not imagine being happy at my current weight, so in my imagination, decades of misery stretched out before me. So sad!
Three years later, the story is different. And, that story in my imagination is much, much closer to my reality.
I eat freely, and in a way that feels good. I don't deny a hungry tummy the food it needs, and I rarely overfill it (and when I do, it's only by a smidge, no more pants-unbuttoning, uncomfortable belly!). I eat a variety of foods as my body requests them, from the 'healthy' foods to the 'fun' foods.
I move for the sake of moving and because I like how my body feels. My goals are different--to have strong legs, to go cross-country skiing, to have fun.
I buy and make clothes that fit me, right now. No more buying things that are too tight with the goal of fitting into them! No more denying myself clothes because I am too fat to deserve them! No more trying to hide or disguise the real me! And no more do I feel, after trying on something that doesn't work, that my body is the problem. Now I know it's the clothes.
I stop seeing myself through others' eyes, or my imaginary picture of others' eyes.
I love my physical self. I see all the positive things about my body now. It's strong and sturdy, with nice, dense bones, and curvy and sexy and it takes me where I want to go and it does what I want it to do.
What does your picture look like? What would letting go of the number on the scale set you free from? What richness could be added to your life?
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Everyone I Know Is On A Diet
Ok, so not literally everyone. Nate, for instance, has never dieted and never will. But, you know, he's 14. Of course, he serves as a pretty darn good example of intuitive eating (rather than 'controlled' eating). It certainly seems, though, that everyone is dieting right now.
One would think that after years of work in this area, I would be ok with other people's food talk. But when it comes to talk about diets, controlled eating, etc, it still seems to be a bit of a trigger, and if nothing else, drives me nuts. Plus, I usually care about these people and it hurts me to see them hurting themselves...and being so gleeful about it much of the time. History does repeat itself, however, and I know that the glee is temporary and the misery is sure to follow.
Part of my problem is pride. With everyone talking about how 'good' they are being, my only counter would be...I have learned that I don't need that kind of good. No one that hasn't also taken this journey is going to understand. I am sure that most people think I have simply given up, and see that as a moral failing. It isn't a moral failing, though, it's a physical and mental healing. And it isn't nearly as quantifiable. I can't give you a dress size, scale number, whatever, to prove that I have made progress. And most people wouldn't be able to see the progress that I have made through the fuzzy lenses of diet thinking that they have on. Not to mention, it would be totally rude to answer, "I'm down two sizes!" with, "Well, we all know that won't last."
Part of it is hurt feelings. Probably childish ones, but they are there nonetheless. Nice for you that you lost weight...so what you are telling me is that you are more beautiful than I am? That beauty is quantifiable in numbers? I don't believe that, but occasionally the overwhelming strength of others' beliefs throws me off balance.
All in all, I have been on the path they are on, it's rough and it leads to nowhere. While it's frequently hard to remember that (and boy am I dreading the new year's diet push!), I don't want to go back. I don't need outside validation that intuitive eating is the way to go, at least for me. I don't need everyone else to see their own beauty in order to keep seeing mine. I don't need other people to enjoy physical activity in order for me to enjoy it and not see it as punishment of some sort. I do, apparently, need to keep telling myself all of this over and over, though!
One would think that after years of work in this area, I would be ok with other people's food talk. But when it comes to talk about diets, controlled eating, etc, it still seems to be a bit of a trigger, and if nothing else, drives me nuts. Plus, I usually care about these people and it hurts me to see them hurting themselves...and being so gleeful about it much of the time. History does repeat itself, however, and I know that the glee is temporary and the misery is sure to follow.
Part of my problem is pride. With everyone talking about how 'good' they are being, my only counter would be...I have learned that I don't need that kind of good. No one that hasn't also taken this journey is going to understand. I am sure that most people think I have simply given up, and see that as a moral failing. It isn't a moral failing, though, it's a physical and mental healing. And it isn't nearly as quantifiable. I can't give you a dress size, scale number, whatever, to prove that I have made progress. And most people wouldn't be able to see the progress that I have made through the fuzzy lenses of diet thinking that they have on. Not to mention, it would be totally rude to answer, "I'm down two sizes!" with, "Well, we all know that won't last."
Part of it is hurt feelings. Probably childish ones, but they are there nonetheless. Nice for you that you lost weight...so what you are telling me is that you are more beautiful than I am? That beauty is quantifiable in numbers? I don't believe that, but occasionally the overwhelming strength of others' beliefs throws me off balance.
All in all, I have been on the path they are on, it's rough and it leads to nowhere. While it's frequently hard to remember that (and boy am I dreading the new year's diet push!), I don't want to go back. I don't need outside validation that intuitive eating is the way to go, at least for me. I don't need everyone else to see their own beauty in order to keep seeing mine. I don't need other people to enjoy physical activity in order for me to enjoy it and not see it as punishment of some sort. I do, apparently, need to keep telling myself all of this over and over, though!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Not Enough Magic
Where I work, we talk about having magic. I think this actually began because customers frequently say we have magic (since they can't grasp how we fix things). I even had one customer say he was taking me to Las Vegas to be his lucky charm. But sometimes, customers want things that we just can't do-like yesterday's cruise ship customer. Yeah, we have great magic, but we can't defy the natural laws of the universe.
That is why articles like this one make me laugh. Entitled 'Why Exercise Won't Make You Thin' and with the subtitle blurb 'Whether because exercise makes us hungry or because we want to reward ourselves, many people eat more — and eat more junk food, like doughnuts — after going to the gym' it is both absurd and stating the obvious. It seems researchers found that physical activity makes you hungry! No DUH! Any parent could tell you that (any mother who doesn't have a snack ready when the kids are done swimming clearly hasn't been paying attention).
Our bodies were indeed wonderfully made (no matter how you think they got made) and, lo and behold, when you ask them to use energy, they ask you for more energy. It's normal, natural and good.
As for eating junk food (if you believe there is such a thing-we don't use that term in our home) as a workout reward--well, that thinking is a natural outcome of faulty thinking about 'workouts'. Our culture in general sees exercise as a punishment for imperfect eating or imperfect bodies. If that is how you view physical activity, then you get caught in a loop. I ate a piece of cake, so I have to punish myself on the treadmill. I was so good at the gym that I can eat a piece of cake... and on and on. It's just so wrong, so self-defeating and so psychologically messed up!
Physical activity isn't a punishment or dues to be paid. It should be done for the joy of doing it. That is why I will never have a gym membership. I don't like treadmills or other machines that simulate real-world activities. I'd rather take a walk by the river where the scenery is nice, knowing that I will feel all warm and gushy afterwards, and enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. That is a joyful experience, where walking on a treadmill is...well, more like filing taxes.
It is also much easier to continue an active lifestyle if you are doing things that you find enjoyable AND when you are doing those things for reasons other than trying to obtain an unreachable goal. Because dieting and exercise rarely make someone thin (for long), and the exercise is associated with the dieting, people who do it for the sake of trying to be thin soon give up on both.
I have found that, after spending a couple years disconnecting dieting/trying to lose weight from physical activity, that physical activity is much more enjoyable, more varied, and now contains its own motivation. I will never be thin, but I get more active as time goes by. Maybe someone should do a study on that.
That is why articles like this one make me laugh. Entitled 'Why Exercise Won't Make You Thin' and with the subtitle blurb 'Whether because exercise makes us hungry or because we want to reward ourselves, many people eat more — and eat more junk food, like doughnuts — after going to the gym' it is both absurd and stating the obvious. It seems researchers found that physical activity makes you hungry! No DUH! Any parent could tell you that (any mother who doesn't have a snack ready when the kids are done swimming clearly hasn't been paying attention).
Our bodies were indeed wonderfully made (no matter how you think they got made) and, lo and behold, when you ask them to use energy, they ask you for more energy. It's normal, natural and good.
As for eating junk food (if you believe there is such a thing-we don't use that term in our home) as a workout reward--well, that thinking is a natural outcome of faulty thinking about 'workouts'. Our culture in general sees exercise as a punishment for imperfect eating or imperfect bodies. If that is how you view physical activity, then you get caught in a loop. I ate a piece of cake, so I have to punish myself on the treadmill. I was so good at the gym that I can eat a piece of cake... and on and on. It's just so wrong, so self-defeating and so psychologically messed up!
Physical activity isn't a punishment or dues to be paid. It should be done for the joy of doing it. That is why I will never have a gym membership. I don't like treadmills or other machines that simulate real-world activities. I'd rather take a walk by the river where the scenery is nice, knowing that I will feel all warm and gushy afterwards, and enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. That is a joyful experience, where walking on a treadmill is...well, more like filing taxes.
It is also much easier to continue an active lifestyle if you are doing things that you find enjoyable AND when you are doing those things for reasons other than trying to obtain an unreachable goal. Because dieting and exercise rarely make someone thin (for long), and the exercise is associated with the dieting, people who do it for the sake of trying to be thin soon give up on both.
I have found that, after spending a couple years disconnecting dieting/trying to lose weight from physical activity, that physical activity is much more enjoyable, more varied, and now contains its own motivation. I will never be thin, but I get more active as time goes by. Maybe someone should do a study on that.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Scale Paradox
As a sort of compromise between the focus I used to have on the number on the scale and the Intuitive Eating and body acceptance lifestyle I strive for, I allow myself one weigh-in on the first or second of the month, if I bother to remember. Many months I don't. This morning I did. And now I wish I hadn't.
Why? Because I weigh less than the last time I remembered...which I think was two months ago, although I could be wrong. Not much less, and it is little enough that it could simply be a natural fluctuation. Really, statistically insignificant! But it has caused me to spend too much time today (read: more than five minutes) fighting the old diet mentality. Oh, gosh, what did I do to make the number go down? What could I do to make it go down more? If I lost x amount every y time period..I could weight blank by new year's.
Ugh. That is the mindset I happily gave up. That is the nasty psychological warfare of diet-shake companies and stupid women's magazines and such. I don't want that for myself.
Curiously, when the number is the same or above what it last was, I never have this problem. And that is the paradox.
Why? Because I weigh less than the last time I remembered...which I think was two months ago, although I could be wrong. Not much less, and it is little enough that it could simply be a natural fluctuation. Really, statistically insignificant! But it has caused me to spend too much time today (read: more than five minutes) fighting the old diet mentality. Oh, gosh, what did I do to make the number go down? What could I do to make it go down more? If I lost x amount every y time period..I could weight blank by new year's.
Ugh. That is the mindset I happily gave up. That is the nasty psychological warfare of diet-shake companies and stupid women's magazines and such. I don't want that for myself.
Curiously, when the number is the same or above what it last was, I never have this problem. And that is the paradox.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Downside of Intuitive Eating
I don't talk about my Intuitive Eating journey often enough on here. Part of that, I think, is that in real life I frequently have to defend my way of eating, which makes me want to hold tighter to the parts of it that stay personal. But lately I have been struck many times by the downside of the process. Downside? There isn't supposed to be one! But, as with everything else in life, there are pretty parts and not-so-pretty parts, and sometimes they are even the same thing.
Family tension: My family doesn't eat like I do. They don't even understand my new way of eating. If I refuse dessert because I am not hungry or it doesn't sound wonderful, someone comments, "Jenny is trying to be good." Um, no, I am not...I think eating choices are morally neutral...I am just not hungry! Frequently if I don't put something on my plate, it's personal to the cook, and if my meal doesn't look 'balanced' I sometimes get a speech on the subject (as does Nate, who is the most intuitive eater I know...but at family dinners, there are veggies, fruit, chips and salsa out and he eats bunches of those and then when it is 'dinner time' he eats only meat...and gets a speech about it, every time. Um...he already had the other food groups? And what he eats is none of your business??!!). To be fair, this situation is getting better. I think my family has given up.
Inability to commiserate: Eat something not 'on your diet'? I could care less. Moaning and groaning about your belly? Really, I think your belly is fine. I think mine is fine, too. I don't care to sit around wallowing in self-hate, denial and false hopes. I actually think it's stupid to starve yourself or try to follow some formula. This does not make me popular.
Inability to eat emotionally: What?! But I thought that was the GOAL of this whole thing? Well, yeah, but do you realize what that means? It means...that when I am sad, chocolate is irrelevant. That some people who care about me can't make me happy by giving me Ghirardelli. I have to find new ways to cope. I am no fun at all-women ice-cream pity-parties. Chocolate sits in my cupboard or night table long enough that it has to be thrown out. In some ways that is very sad.
It's a bone of contention: Generally, what I believe about food and body size shouldn't be a point of argument, but it has become so at times. For instance, Raoul was coming over one evening. I asked him to bring me a cheeseburger. I don't eat cheeseburgers often but that night it really sounded good. What did he bring me? Nuts and berries. I kid you not. I insisted that nuts and berries are no 'better' or 'healthier' than a cheeseburger, but this was brushed aside. Of course they must be better for you! After all, you can pick them right off a vine! Um, no, actually, if one's body demands a cheeseburger, nuts and berries are not going to satisfy, no matter how 'healthy' they are deemed by some expert or another. And no, I don't really care that our ancestors and even some people on the planet today survive on that kind of diet, you can't listen to my stomach and you have no right to tell me what to eat. I could barely choke down a few nuts and berries and had to go to bed hungry (carless, mother hubbard me that evening, or I would have done something about that). Granted, not everyone is as conceited and self-righteous as my ex-boyfriend, but still, the need to shout "You're not the boss of me!" does pop up from time to time. Sometimes it isn't a friend or relative so much as it is society and situations...like at work, where the choice of convenience food is yucky vending-machine fare or the 'healthy food' table that only has granola bars and dried fruit...and this girl needs protein! So I have to go with the yucky Jenny-hating vending machine and be deemed 'that girl who is so fat because she eats hot pockets'. Well, no one has said that aloud, but you know how society makes you feel.
It won't make me skinny, and it ain't fast: Intuitive eating will never make me skinny. If I hadn't screwed with my metabolism to begin with, then perhaps I could intuitively eat myself to a socially acceptable weight, but I did screw with my metabolism and I have no delusions about what that means. I will be fat the rest of my life. I am ok with that now, but other people are not. The Navy, for instance. Nate's Sea Cadet unit could sure use another uniformed adult...but my body is, according to Navy regs, "a disgrace to the uniform." As if body size is, again, a moral issue? Um, no, thanks anyway. And other women are always assuming that I am trying to get thin. Nope! Wasted enough years on that, thanks! But then again, it is hard to give up the diet dreams, plus it is yet another way that I am different from the women around me.
The worst part? When angry at things like this, potato chips are no help. Sigh.
It makes special occasions harder: I almost didn't eat my own birthday cake this year. I wasn't hungry. It didn't even sound good, even though I had asked for it. I finally ate a small piece just to be polite, but I have grown to dislike doing such things. I know that naturally thin, intuitively-eating people eat when they are not hungry, and that is what I told myself, but I guess now that I am listening to my body, it's hard to argue with it.
It's more work sometimes: Starving myself is not an option, even for convenience's sake. Although I do struggle with this from time to time, the right thing to do is feed my hungry body. This is especially hard when I am home alone. Cooking a whole meal for one person who isn't even going to say thank you? What fun is that? But the other night I did make myself cook up a great chicken-pepper stir fry (with nuts...leftover from the anti-cheeseburger ex-boyfriend). It was wonderful, and I was so glad that I had done that. It hit the spot perfectly. But most days, I just want the hunger to go away rather than a cooking/eating experience. I have to learn to take better care of myself than that.
All in all, I still choose this path. I am free from the bondage of emotional eating, food rules and regulations, self-hate, despair, false hopes...it's wonderful! Freedom is a tasty thing :-)
Family tension: My family doesn't eat like I do. They don't even understand my new way of eating. If I refuse dessert because I am not hungry or it doesn't sound wonderful, someone comments, "Jenny is trying to be good." Um, no, I am not...I think eating choices are morally neutral...I am just not hungry! Frequently if I don't put something on my plate, it's personal to the cook, and if my meal doesn't look 'balanced' I sometimes get a speech on the subject (as does Nate, who is the most intuitive eater I know...but at family dinners, there are veggies, fruit, chips and salsa out and he eats bunches of those and then when it is 'dinner time' he eats only meat...and gets a speech about it, every time. Um...he already had the other food groups? And what he eats is none of your business??!!). To be fair, this situation is getting better. I think my family has given up.
Inability to commiserate: Eat something not 'on your diet'? I could care less. Moaning and groaning about your belly? Really, I think your belly is fine. I think mine is fine, too. I don't care to sit around wallowing in self-hate, denial and false hopes. I actually think it's stupid to starve yourself or try to follow some formula. This does not make me popular.
Inability to eat emotionally: What?! But I thought that was the GOAL of this whole thing? Well, yeah, but do you realize what that means? It means...that when I am sad, chocolate is irrelevant. That some people who care about me can't make me happy by giving me Ghirardelli. I have to find new ways to cope. I am no fun at all-women ice-cream pity-parties. Chocolate sits in my cupboard or night table long enough that it has to be thrown out. In some ways that is very sad.
It's a bone of contention: Generally, what I believe about food and body size shouldn't be a point of argument, but it has become so at times. For instance, Raoul was coming over one evening. I asked him to bring me a cheeseburger. I don't eat cheeseburgers often but that night it really sounded good. What did he bring me? Nuts and berries. I kid you not. I insisted that nuts and berries are no 'better' or 'healthier' than a cheeseburger, but this was brushed aside. Of course they must be better for you! After all, you can pick them right off a vine! Um, no, actually, if one's body demands a cheeseburger, nuts and berries are not going to satisfy, no matter how 'healthy' they are deemed by some expert or another. And no, I don't really care that our ancestors and even some people on the planet today survive on that kind of diet, you can't listen to my stomach and you have no right to tell me what to eat. I could barely choke down a few nuts and berries and had to go to bed hungry (carless, mother hubbard me that evening, or I would have done something about that). Granted, not everyone is as conceited and self-righteous as my ex-boyfriend, but still, the need to shout "You're not the boss of me!" does pop up from time to time. Sometimes it isn't a friend or relative so much as it is society and situations...like at work, where the choice of convenience food is yucky vending-machine fare or the 'healthy food' table that only has granola bars and dried fruit...and this girl needs protein! So I have to go with the yucky Jenny-hating vending machine and be deemed 'that girl who is so fat because she eats hot pockets'. Well, no one has said that aloud, but you know how society makes you feel.
It won't make me skinny, and it ain't fast: Intuitive eating will never make me skinny. If I hadn't screwed with my metabolism to begin with, then perhaps I could intuitively eat myself to a socially acceptable weight, but I did screw with my metabolism and I have no delusions about what that means. I will be fat the rest of my life. I am ok with that now, but other people are not. The Navy, for instance. Nate's Sea Cadet unit could sure use another uniformed adult...but my body is, according to Navy regs, "a disgrace to the uniform." As if body size is, again, a moral issue? Um, no, thanks anyway. And other women are always assuming that I am trying to get thin. Nope! Wasted enough years on that, thanks! But then again, it is hard to give up the diet dreams, plus it is yet another way that I am different from the women around me.
The worst part? When angry at things like this, potato chips are no help. Sigh.
It makes special occasions harder: I almost didn't eat my own birthday cake this year. I wasn't hungry. It didn't even sound good, even though I had asked for it. I finally ate a small piece just to be polite, but I have grown to dislike doing such things. I know that naturally thin, intuitively-eating people eat when they are not hungry, and that is what I told myself, but I guess now that I am listening to my body, it's hard to argue with it.
It's more work sometimes: Starving myself is not an option, even for convenience's sake. Although I do struggle with this from time to time, the right thing to do is feed my hungry body. This is especially hard when I am home alone. Cooking a whole meal for one person who isn't even going to say thank you? What fun is that? But the other night I did make myself cook up a great chicken-pepper stir fry (with nuts...leftover from the anti-cheeseburger ex-boyfriend). It was wonderful, and I was so glad that I had done that. It hit the spot perfectly. But most days, I just want the hunger to go away rather than a cooking/eating experience. I have to learn to take better care of myself than that.
All in all, I still choose this path. I am free from the bondage of emotional eating, food rules and regulations, self-hate, despair, false hopes...it's wonderful! Freedom is a tasty thing :-)
Friday, May 1, 2009
The Clothes This Season
They are ugly!
I was remarking to Mrs. Pevensie the other day that the fat girl clothes are really ugly this spring. She informed me that the straight-sized clothes are equally hideous. I said that may be so, but straight-sized girls get a wider selection of hideous choices!
I don't know why I keep going to the stores and trying. When I go to Coldwater Creek, things are too dressy and expensive. When I go to CJ Banks, where I used to have good luck, it's like walking into my grandmother's closet. WalMart clothes are see-through, whether they mean to be or not, because the fabric is so cheap, and everything has a ribbed or drawstring hemline--this is not a good thing in my world. And Lane Bryant? They are out to get me. Every time I see a cute top on a fat girl at work and ask where she got it, the answer is Lane Bryant...only when I walk into that store, I can't find any cute tops!
All this to say that I think I have three outfits. And I work four days a week. And I have decided that I need a date outfit. Just in case. I mean, it's been years since I have been on one, so I figure the odds are in my favor, right? (don't tell me if I am wrong)
I was remarking to Mrs. Pevensie the other day that the fat girl clothes are really ugly this spring. She informed me that the straight-sized clothes are equally hideous. I said that may be so, but straight-sized girls get a wider selection of hideous choices!
I don't know why I keep going to the stores and trying. When I go to Coldwater Creek, things are too dressy and expensive. When I go to CJ Banks, where I used to have good luck, it's like walking into my grandmother's closet. WalMart clothes are see-through, whether they mean to be or not, because the fabric is so cheap, and everything has a ribbed or drawstring hemline--this is not a good thing in my world. And Lane Bryant? They are out to get me. Every time I see a cute top on a fat girl at work and ask where she got it, the answer is Lane Bryant...only when I walk into that store, I can't find any cute tops!
All this to say that I think I have three outfits. And I work four days a week. And I have decided that I need a date outfit. Just in case. I mean, it's been years since I have been on one, so I figure the odds are in my favor, right? (don't tell me if I am wrong)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Losing Weight
I have been aiming at Intuitive Eating for a couple years now. Trust me, it is not easy. Far, far better than dieting, but NOT easy. First off, you have to deal with the fact that we live in a society full of hyper-dieters. For instance, not a single day goes by at work where people don't talk about their bodies in nasty ways, imply that they or someone else is not good enough, judge foods and eating choices negatively, or focus on the number on the scale. Last week I spent several minutes on the phone with a woman whose husband had a heart attack, and while that is very alarming, vowing to only allow him to eat lettuce is equally so. Additionally, this woman is only going to eat lettuce herself...and in between telling me this and the fact that LUNA bars for pete's sake, are bad for you because they have a whole 200 calories (eek!), she was watching the home shopping channel, drooling over chocolate brownies and cakes while putting herself down for drooling over them, while also telling me that brownies are evil in and of themselves. This is the kind of torture that our society encourages. It is very difficult to fight this!
It is difficult to re-learn a relationship with food that doesn't cause you to feel guilty for your choices. It is difficult to make choices in front of other people. It is difficult to listen to, or read, other people putting down normal eating as if it were a death knell. And it's really difficult, for me at least, to keep my mouth shut when they do. I especially feel at times like I need to either hide or be defensive about some of my food choices because I am fat and people see me eating things and, with the background noise of the tasty-food-is-evil culture we live in, I assume they are judging me (or they just plain do judge me out loud). Pardon me, I am trying to listen to my stomach, so quit interrupting what it is telling me with your nonsense about carbohydrates, thankyouverymuch! And, no, I don't wish to participate in the office-wide group flagellation that is the Biggest Loser contest!
Anyway...so, I weigh myself on or about the first of every month. Probably I shouldn't, as it always gives me a day or two of having to work harder at Intuitive Eating. Some months I do forget, actually, which I never thought would happen. But the last couple months I have remembered and as it happens, I have lost a couple pounds each month. Not much. Nothing any diet advertisement would feel the need to post 'results not typical' about. Nothing even noticeable had I not actually weighed myself, until this month. This month my clothes are not fitting right and it's driving me nuts! My favorite pajama pants keep falling down. My khaki skirt keeps sliding off my tummy and my shirts aren't long enough to cover it. Amazingly, I am annoyed by this weight loss. Which I am hoping means that Body Positivity is perhaps taking root in my subconscious? I am learning to love my body enough that I care more about whether my favorite clothes still fit than I do about the number on the tags or the scale? Well, I promise not to take Nate's advice (basically, eat more ice cream than I am hungry for in order to gain the weight back), but on the other hand, since I wasn't trying to lose weight and don't know how I did, I am not counting on its continuation.
Intuitive Eating is a long journey, it seems.
It is difficult to re-learn a relationship with food that doesn't cause you to feel guilty for your choices. It is difficult to make choices in front of other people. It is difficult to listen to, or read, other people putting down normal eating as if it were a death knell. And it's really difficult, for me at least, to keep my mouth shut when they do. I especially feel at times like I need to either hide or be defensive about some of my food choices because I am fat and people see me eating things and, with the background noise of the tasty-food-is-evil culture we live in, I assume they are judging me (or they just plain do judge me out loud). Pardon me, I am trying to listen to my stomach, so quit interrupting what it is telling me with your nonsense about carbohydrates, thankyouverymuch! And, no, I don't wish to participate in the office-wide group flagellation that is the Biggest Loser contest!
Anyway...so, I weigh myself on or about the first of every month. Probably I shouldn't, as it always gives me a day or two of having to work harder at Intuitive Eating. Some months I do forget, actually, which I never thought would happen. But the last couple months I have remembered and as it happens, I have lost a couple pounds each month. Not much. Nothing any diet advertisement would feel the need to post 'results not typical' about. Nothing even noticeable had I not actually weighed myself, until this month. This month my clothes are not fitting right and it's driving me nuts! My favorite pajama pants keep falling down. My khaki skirt keeps sliding off my tummy and my shirts aren't long enough to cover it. Amazingly, I am annoyed by this weight loss. Which I am hoping means that Body Positivity is perhaps taking root in my subconscious? I am learning to love my body enough that I care more about whether my favorite clothes still fit than I do about the number on the tags or the scale? Well, I promise not to take Nate's advice (basically, eat more ice cream than I am hungry for in order to gain the weight back), but on the other hand, since I wasn't trying to lose weight and don't know how I did, I am not counting on its continuation.
Intuitive Eating is a long journey, it seems.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This
So, who stole the sun and refuses to share? Seriously, I haven't seen it in over a week and today it remained so dark that the parking lot lights at work never turned off! I don't do well with continuous lack of sunshine. Work news: They don't know yet if they will be keeping me. My boss says I will be the first to find out after her, mainly 'cause I will hear her screaming with joy. Fairy Godmother: Still conspicuously absent and I am without a dress as this month, with very little notice, I have been deprived of both child support and food stamps and *poof* there went my budget. School news: Nate and I are beginning a unit on Ancient Rome. Toga party, anyone? Rant of the Day: I am so sick and tired of the 'come weigh-in' emails being sent out by the (obviously mis-labeled) Morale Boosting team at work, which is hosting a biggest loser knock-off. Pardon me, but group self-flagellation is not morale boosting! It is also not effective. Other: I did not win the t-shirt contest at work. No, no, not THAT kind of t-shirt contest, the kind where we submit designs for the backs of the shirts. I rather liked my design, too, but oh, well.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Just Plain Wrong
Since my Fairy Godmother apparently does not read my blog (and I am not willing to wait until the night of the ball for my gown and slippers to appear, anyway...although I DO have to work that day, there will be no fireplace cleaning), and I am not thinking mice will be stitching up a gown and cobbling shoes, and I don't buy lotto tickets, I figured I should get a pattern and make my own dress.
Apparently the mice are a better bet. I just looked through EVERY single pattern catalog that major fabric stores carry and NOT ONE has gown patterns in the plus size section. Apparently, we just aren't supposed to have any fun until we have starved ourselves into societal acceptance? Most gown patterns don't top a size 18 (and patterns have different sizes...for instance, I wear a dress size 24 but a pattern size 32...so an 18 would be about a size 12 in dress sizes, I am guessing), with a select few going all the way up to a 22. They probably don't think we can get dates, either, and what's the point of going anywhere without a man? (eyes rolling, here...)
I am not quite sure what I am going to do. My darling sister in law, who can design a pattern for just about anything, is too far away to help in this case. I may have to try it myself--been meaning to draft patterns, but had been hoping to begin with something a tad easier. You know, something that wasn't supposed to fit exactly against your body and that wasn't made out of satin?
I have been polling ladies and most are leaning towards a dark blue for me, although I have also heard seafoam green, dark purple, deep red, and several suggestions for 'sparkles'. I guess I am a sparkly person!
Apparently the mice are a better bet. I just looked through EVERY single pattern catalog that major fabric stores carry and NOT ONE has gown patterns in the plus size section. Apparently, we just aren't supposed to have any fun until we have starved ourselves into societal acceptance? Most gown patterns don't top a size 18 (and patterns have different sizes...for instance, I wear a dress size 24 but a pattern size 32...so an 18 would be about a size 12 in dress sizes, I am guessing), with a select few going all the way up to a 22. They probably don't think we can get dates, either, and what's the point of going anywhere without a man? (eyes rolling, here...)
I am not quite sure what I am going to do. My darling sister in law, who can design a pattern for just about anything, is too far away to help in this case. I may have to try it myself--been meaning to draft patterns, but had been hoping to begin with something a tad easier. You know, something that wasn't supposed to fit exactly against your body and that wasn't made out of satin?
I have been polling ladies and most are leaning towards a dark blue for me, although I have also heard seafoam green, dark purple, deep red, and several suggestions for 'sparkles'. I guess I am a sparkly person!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
My January Unresolutions (plus a rant)
The worst thing about this time of year, I think, is hearing people beat themselves up and then proclaim that this year is going to be different...this year they really will lose the weight! Plus all the rotten dieting advice and nonsense being passed around.
Ok, tell ya what...this year is no different. Why not? Because the laws of science have not changed, and neither have our bodies. Dieting did not work last year or the year before that, and it will not work this year. Depriving ourselves (no matter what name you give that deprivation) still causes a psychological and biological backlash. Aiming for society's wrong idea of fitness still isn't going to be enough motivation to counteract biology, and doing all this to get thin still isn't any healthier than normal, intuitive eating that doesn't change the number on the scale. In fact, dieting is the cause of greater weight gain and a multitude of other health problems that I won't go into because others like www.kateharding.net have done it so much better.
One thing, therefor, that you will NOT see on my list, this or any other year, is a pledge to lose weight!
I made my list (see earlier post) and it came to more than 12, so one item per month wasn't going to cut it. It was hard to choose only a few for January, but I did. They are:
Ok, tell ya what...this year is no different. Why not? Because the laws of science have not changed, and neither have our bodies. Dieting did not work last year or the year before that, and it will not work this year. Depriving ourselves (no matter what name you give that deprivation) still causes a psychological and biological backlash. Aiming for society's wrong idea of fitness still isn't going to be enough motivation to counteract biology, and doing all this to get thin still isn't any healthier than normal, intuitive eating that doesn't change the number on the scale. In fact, dieting is the cause of greater weight gain and a multitude of other health problems that I won't go into because others like www.kateharding.net have done it so much better.
One thing, therefor, that you will NOT see on my list, this or any other year, is a pledge to lose weight!
I made my list (see earlier post) and it came to more than 12, so one item per month wasn't going to cut it. It was hard to choose only a few for January, but I did. They are:
- Take my Levity vitamins every day--all three pills. I need to do this because I feel SO much better, physically and emotionally, when I take them.
- Irrigate my sinuses twice a day. Like you wanted to know that? LOL
- Go for a walk 4 times a week, because that is the only way I will be able to overcome the muscular imbalance I have in my legs that causes excruciating pain when I do walk.
- Clean out the kitty box every day. I tend to forget until after I am in my jammies, at which point I really don't want to go outside.
I made a calendar for the month with one week per page and little icons to check off when I have completed each of the things on my list. Also with space to write things in because my stepmother's calendar is just so pretty, and hanging on my wall already (yes, on the first day of the year!) , plus it has small squares and doesn't fit in my purse. We shall see how the month goes. I am not setting these things up as resolutions, because truly, if I miss a day, I want to be able to shake it off and move on. I guess it's more a reminder system of the things that I really want to do for myself but never seem to get around to.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Socks
So, I have this beautiful purple cardigan (Walmart, sixteen bucks, woulda bought it in four colors if budget had allowed). It is very flattering, soft and comfortable.
I have black skirts with which to wear it, but my only pair of black shoes are indescribably painful to wear, so I decided to wear it with a jean skirt, purple tights and my brown shoes. Right? Wrong. Except for online (www.welovecolors.com), I can't find plus-sized tights in anything but black and brown. Fat girls, you know, are supposed to hide themselves. So I turned to my second option: Knee-hi socks. I actually love these. They make me feel cute. But I had the darnedest time last night finding a pair to go with this outfit. No, I don't want fuzzy, dangly balls on them. No, I don't want purple and black (remember--brown shoes). Finally I chose the least of the evils--dark purple socks with narrow blue, green and raspberry pink stripes. These pink stripes are BRIGHT. But I wore them today in my determination not to be an invisible fatty.
Boy did I get comments! All of them good. But my favorite came from the only male commenter:
"LOVE your stockings! It's like Kelly Osbourn Goes To Church!"
Not what I was aiming for...but thanks anyway, lol.
I have black skirts with which to wear it, but my only pair of black shoes are indescribably painful to wear, so I decided to wear it with a jean skirt, purple tights and my brown shoes. Right? Wrong. Except for online (www.welovecolors.com), I can't find plus-sized tights in anything but black and brown. Fat girls, you know, are supposed to hide themselves. So I turned to my second option: Knee-hi socks. I actually love these. They make me feel cute. But I had the darnedest time last night finding a pair to go with this outfit. No, I don't want fuzzy, dangly balls on them. No, I don't want purple and black (remember--brown shoes). Finally I chose the least of the evils--dark purple socks with narrow blue, green and raspberry pink stripes. These pink stripes are BRIGHT. But I wore them today in my determination not to be an invisible fatty.
Boy did I get comments! All of them good. But my favorite came from the only male commenter:
"LOVE your stockings! It's like Kelly Osbourn Goes To Church!"
Not what I was aiming for...but thanks anyway, lol.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Garcia
Penelope Garcia is my new hero. And when I say that, I mean the character specifically, not the actress, about whom I know almost nothing. Penelope, on the other hand, has grown nearer and dearer to my heart as we've watched the Criminal Minds series (which, unfortunately, CBS is not putting on their website this season and that, to be frank, majorly hoovers!).
Garcia is fat. Not Hollywood fake-fat, but actually fat. And, she doesn't try to cover it up, she doesn't hide herself away (well, she is hidden away in her office, but she is out and about town on non-work hours). She has experienced some negative feelings (that men aren't attracted to her), but in general she seems unashamed. And she definitely has style. While my hair will never be pink or blue, I appreciate her influence in my life. It's ok to wear bright colors, be fun and sassy, etc, despite body size.
I also appreciate that the writers have not, at least that I remember, portrayed her as a cheesburger-eating, lazy couch-potato fatty, nor have I seen her diet. Hooray! A normal, beautiful, wonderful woman who isn't a size 2 on TV.
All that to say that my outfit today is in Garcia's honor. It isn't blue or black, it isn't fade-to-wallflower-unnoticeable-if-I-am-invisible-no-one-will-see-my-fat plain. It's bright, it's horizontally striped, there are dark red tights involved, and it's just plain fun.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
For Pity's Sake!
This article from fellow blogspot blog JunkFoodScience highlights one of the stupider results of our culture's fatphobia. It discusses a new proposal to screen TWO year olds for high cholesterol and use statin drugs on CHILDREN. Um, pardon me, but these are kids. Kids whose brains are developing. Brains that are composed of cholesterol. Sorry, Johnny, you have too much grey matter potential coursing through your veins....yeah, this drug might make you dumb, but at least you won't die of a heart attack...as if. My grandmother has been on statins for years, and along with those drugs, had a very unhealthy fear of all things fat and cholesterol. She caused herself to starve out of this fear, going down to 95 lbs! My 12 year old weighs more than that. I am firmly convinced that lowering her cholesterol to unhealthy lows (yes, I said unhealthy LOWS), which doctors now seem to be aiming for, hastened the onset of dementia. I will say it again--our BRAINS are made out of cholesterol. We NEED cholesterol. And young children need it most of all.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Realistic Expectations
So I have been marking my physical activity on my calendar. This could actually be a bad idea. I just looked at the calendar and saw that I had Pilates on Saturday, 90 minutes of Karate on Tuesday, Pilates on Wednesday and nearly 2 hours of Karate last night. I thought, 'what should I do today so I can write something on my calendar?' Dangerous thinking! In trying to exercise intuitively, the idea is to listen to my body, not some chart.
Last night I had to sit out the last 15 minutes of Karate. I did not pack enough water and none was available at the park. I was so embarrassed! That's right...the fat girl can't finish the class! But this morning, attempting to think beyond the soreness while waiting in line at 6 a.m. to sign the boys up for next swim session, I thought...that was only my second class! An hour and forty-five minutes for your SECOND time is a really amazing accomplishment!
I also had to stop myself from looking up how many calories Karate burns per hour. Burning calories is NOT THE POINT! I did NOT jump into that class in order to lose weight (ha! One look at a couple of the blackbelts would quash that notion quick, LOL). I jumped in because it looked fun, and the women in the class looked strong, and I wanted to do that, too.
So I am tired and sore and I have a million things to do today, and that spot on my calendar is just going to have to stay blank unless my body tells me otherwise. Because if I let the old diet thinking intrude on this lovely time in my life, it will ruin it, and it will take ages before I am willing to do something like this again.
Last night I had to sit out the last 15 minutes of Karate. I did not pack enough water and none was available at the park. I was so embarrassed! That's right...the fat girl can't finish the class! But this morning, attempting to think beyond the soreness while waiting in line at 6 a.m. to sign the boys up for next swim session, I thought...that was only my second class! An hour and forty-five minutes for your SECOND time is a really amazing accomplishment!
I also had to stop myself from looking up how many calories Karate burns per hour. Burning calories is NOT THE POINT! I did NOT jump into that class in order to lose weight (ha! One look at a couple of the blackbelts would quash that notion quick, LOL). I jumped in because it looked fun, and the women in the class looked strong, and I wanted to do that, too.
So I am tired and sore and I have a million things to do today, and that spot on my calendar is just going to have to stay blank unless my body tells me otherwise. Because if I let the old diet thinking intrude on this lovely time in my life, it will ruin it, and it will take ages before I am willing to do something like this again.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Grass Stains, Mosquito Bites & Motherly Pride
For a year and a half or so, my kids have been attending martial arts classes with our local Kokondo teacher. I highly recommend their children's classes-they are strictly self-defense and I have been very impressed. Both boys take the kids' class (Jukido Jujitsu) and Brandon also attends the adult class (Kokondo Karate).
This month during Jukido promotions, Nate was skipped one level from Yellow to Yellow w/2 stripes and Brandon was skipped two levels from Yellow to Orange. Hence my Proud Mama moment!
This week the building we normally use is unavailable and so the classes are meeting at a park. For over a year now I have been sitting on the sidelines, envious of my kids, but tonight I joined the Karate class. I can only do so this week while we meet in the park, and there is no need for a Gi and Sensei is being kind letting Nate and me hang out with the adult class (uh, without paying, lol). And besides, I finally have the time and energy since I am out of work. It was so much fun! I kicked off my (adorable new) Crocs (thanks, Mom!) and got grass stains on my jeans and I am sure I was eaten alive by the bugs. I certainly got sweaty and while it wasn't an aerobic workout it was definitely exercise. I am very proud of myself because this is part of my changing attitude about my size. I will never be thin (one can't starve a healthy body and expect it to react well) but I CAN STILL DO WONDERFUL THINGS! I do not have to worry that everyone is looking at me and thinking, 'Why is that fat woman doing that in public?' Nope, I was out there fumbling around in a group of people half my age and younger, but I can proudly say that now I can do Bo Kata 1.
This month during Jukido promotions, Nate was skipped one level from Yellow to Yellow w/2 stripes and Brandon was skipped two levels from Yellow to Orange. Hence my Proud Mama moment!
This week the building we normally use is unavailable and so the classes are meeting at a park. For over a year now I have been sitting on the sidelines, envious of my kids, but tonight I joined the Karate class. I can only do so this week while we meet in the park, and there is no need for a Gi and Sensei is being kind letting Nate and me hang out with the adult class (uh, without paying, lol). And besides, I finally have the time and energy since I am out of work. It was so much fun! I kicked off my (adorable new) Crocs (thanks, Mom!) and got grass stains on my jeans and I am sure I was eaten alive by the bugs. I certainly got sweaty and while it wasn't an aerobic workout it was definitely exercise. I am very proud of myself because this is part of my changing attitude about my size. I will never be thin (one can't starve a healthy body and expect it to react well) but I CAN STILL DO WONDERFUL THINGS! I do not have to worry that everyone is looking at me and thinking, 'Why is that fat woman doing that in public?' Nope, I was out there fumbling around in a group of people half my age and younger, but I can proudly say that now I can do Bo Kata 1.
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