"I'm So Glad You Speak American!"

If you know me well, you know I hang out on the socially and fiscally conservative end of the spectrum. But anytime I hear someone begin to spout off about people needing to speak English, my stomach gets upset and my respect meter takes a dive.

Perhaps it's the four years I spent studying another language, or the time I spent in another country (where, ironically, people made a great effort to speak to me in English until they figured out I could speak Spanish). It could also be the 10 years I lived in the brown half of a fiercely divided town, the men I have dated from other cultures or, I don't know, my common sense?

"I'm so glad you speak American" is something I hear far too often from callers. It is twice as disgusting as the usual English-only crud I come across. One, because 'American' isn't a language (speaking of which....'America' isn't a country, either), and two, because I work for an international company. Yes, when you call, the person you speak to may have an accent. This might make you uncomfortable (well, no one ever complains about the Irish accents. Maybe because Irish people tend to be white?). But it is solely your problem. The company I work for hires the cream of the crop at any location and while there is an occasional linguistic mishap, in the year and a half that I have been doing my job, I have been impressed. It is not anti-American of us to hire outside this country. After all, we sell outside this country, and if one thing is sure, 'America' sure appreciates our prices.

I think what bothers me most is that this particular brand of xenophobia tends to be associated with people and things that I hold dear or believe in. But you want my opinion? Here it is!

It is prideful. English is not a better-educated, classier, richer, conservative, better-sounding or more useful language. You just think it is because you have been speaking it all your life. By the way--thinking they need to learn to speak English to deserve to live here? Um, you were born here about four years before you became a proficient English-speaker.

It is ignorant. Do you know what I hear the most often? The opinion that people come to the US and never learn to speak English. After all, everywhere you shop, someone is speaking another language! Why can't they just get it in gear and learn English anyway? Well, I have news for you: THEY ARE. It's kind of like saying, "Everywhere I go there are more teenagers! Why can't they just grow up already?!" The problem isn't that the teenagers refuse to grow up (that's another post entirely), but that every day, more kids become teenagers. Likewise, it isn't that people are refusing to learn English--every day, more non-English-speakers join us in the great Melting Pot. You are just too blind to realize that they aren't the same non-English-speakers you were so hateful with a year ago.

Additionally, if your husband were transferred to Germany and you moved there 60 days from now, would you speak German well enough to get around town and get your business done? I highly doubt it. Don't make demands on others that you don't make on yourself.

When I lived in a heavily Spanish-speaking area, I got great opportunities to speak Spanish. But there was always a vying for languages taking place. I wanted to speak Spanish, my neighbors wanted to practice English. One gal, determined to learn the language, but home with three young children while her husband worked two jobs, would watch TV with the subtitles on, to try and learn to read and speak English while folding the laundry or cooking dinner. One semester she was able to join an ESL class that our church started, but her hands were simply too full to continue. (What? You mean they weren't on welfare, sucking our tax dollars? Sigh) Trust me, it isn't lack of desire or diligence at work here!

It's historically inaccurate. You think people used to hop off the boat and dive into an ESL class? Think again. I have a friend in her 70s who didn't learn English until she went to school, and she was born here in the States. You and I? Our backgrounds almost surely contain travelers who came to the US with a Mother Tongue, and sadly, somewhere our families lost them! If you ask my son, I'm sure he'd tell you he'd rather have grown up speaking German than walk to the high school every morning to beg for that teaching. My great grandmother must have spoken it as a child, but my grandmother never learned. The English-only attitudes that abound are causing families in this country today to try to not pass down this heritage. How sad! I will also point out that many Native American people groups are losing their language...and they were here before any English-speakers!

It's a bully's tactic. Pay special attention, my homeschooling friends. Those attitudes we love to miss out on by keeping our kids at home? I hear them in the English-only mantras. Good gracious, we wouldn't want anyone to be unique or different, no, everyone needs to be the same! And if they aren't the same, well, then, they aren't as good as the rest of us and they don't deserve what we have. (Interestingly, when I was in Guatemala with Wycliffe I learned that almost always, when a culture does not have a written language of its own, the people both within and surrounding that culture view them as lesser humans. Do we want to make people feel that way?)

It's arrogant. We can demand this because we are the United States? Few countries have this kind of rule. France isn't a country we want to emulate, is it? Most governments recognize that more than one language is in use in a large population. Why can't we? The prevalence of English speakers worldwide is due to just a couple things--British occupations and US pride. It might interest you to know that people in India (oh, the dreaded call centers!) grow up speaking English. That would be the English that is even more English than our English, a result of England's occupation there. And then there are those who cater to us because their economy depends on our money (see 'bully's tactic,' above).

It's useless and pointless. Exactly what are we hoping to gain? Discouraging people from coming to this country? Making everyone just like us? Or do we just want to be more comfortable when we go to the Wal-Mart? What insecurity is this feeding?

And, finally, it is not Biblical.
Ezekiel 22:7b The alien they have oppressed in your midst ; the fatherless and the widow they have wronged in you. (here we go...oppressing foreigners is listed with such things as raping one's daughter in law)

Deuteronomy 10:18-19 "He executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and shows His love by giving him food and clothing. So show your love for the alien, for you were aliens of Egypt." (and here we have a reminder--if you are a Christian, then YOU are an alien here on earth, as well)

Deuteronomy 27:19 'Cursed is he who distorts the justice due an alien, orphan, and widow.' And all the people shall say, 'Amen.' (wait...you mean that doesn't say Justice was only due to them if they had learned to speak Hebrew by then?)

The entire book of Ruth (go read it, it's a good story anyway!)

I encourage you to put aside any patriotism that has morphed into pride, to make decisions based not on your personal comfort but on logic and biblical standards, and to open your mind and your heart to the joy that those who journey here, to be part of this great country, which was founded on the right to be different, can share with you if you are willing.

Out of the Mouths of Adolescents, Take Two

Clumsily attempting to voice my opinion on Nate's new found habit of closing his bedroom door whenever he is in there, I said, "I hate this age."

"Don't worry, Mom! You'll be 35 soon."

(he then corrected my misconception--he has developed a habit of closing his bedroom door because he doesn't want to disturb me when I am working. Had nothing to do with his being 14)

Out of the Mouths of Adolescents

I am the thrilled recipient of a new-to-me pillow-top mattress. Best night's sleep I have had since staying at a Marriott! (I HAVE to get me one of their pillows).

Nathan wants my mattress. I told him he couldn't have it, and I said, "Besides, you are a man! This would be too soft for you!"

"Mom, men like soft. Why do you think they marry women?"

*snort* And this from the boy who still says girls have cooties.

Walking Before Breakfast

I don't know what happens on Saturdays but I hardly ever get in a walk. So for the past two weeks, I have walked on Sunday mornings--first thing, just like all the advice columns recommend. (Get it out of the way first thing in the morning! It'll make your day so much nicer!)

Walking before breakfast is not for me. My walks are inevitably slower and more painful, and due to that also shorter, than my mid-day or evening walks. Oh, sure, once the pain passes, I get the tail end of that warm, soft post-walk feeling, and I am sure as I sit in church I will be a bit less uncomfortable than usual, but clearly my body demands more fuel than is left over after a full night's sleep.

Poor Nate! This doesn't bode well for his goal of getting out of our near-daily walks together.

Why I Need a Vacation

Frequently when giving instructions I use 'we' instead of 'you'. I think it sounds less bossy. Today I told a lady, 'We need to plug it in now'. And she sat and waited a minute. Finally she said, 'Are you going to do that for me?'

Btw--vacation? I want to go on a cruise. It is the least work of any other vacation idea I can come up with.

The Principal of the Thing

No, I did not use the wrong homonym...read on:

I was reading this story on CNN, which has many facets that I will not explore. The facet I would like to explore is from this quote:

Bayer [the school principal] also removed her from Advanced Placement classes and assigned her to regular classes.

That's right...this student was punished by banning her from learning!

As someone who was yanked out of AP classes as punishment ("If you aren't going to get good grades in advanced classes, you will have to go back to regular ones!"--which then caused me to be bored out of my skull until I finally dropped out, and which really didn't address the root of the issue as I learned what they wanted me to learn but simply refused to perform the way they wanted me to perform--seriously, can you tell yet why I homeschool?), I am appalled. Ninety percent of the students in school feel like knowledge is being shoved down their throats (I made that statistic up) and you take on of the tiny fraction who are hungry for knowledge and take it away? That should seriously be illegal. Clearly this principal doesn't actually have her students' education at the top of her list of priorities. Oh, no, it's all about conformity of thought...and here I could digress into areas that are best left untouched today.

Why I Hate Valentine's Day

(in which I use a lot of hyphens)

Completely aside from the whole haven't-had-a-valentine-in-a-decade thing, Valentine's Day grates on my nerves, a kind of Christmas-without-the-goodwill-toward-men fake-fuzzy holiday.

Maybe I feel that way because I work in retail?

One year ago, prior to my entry into tech support, I received two memorable Valentine's Day calls. The first was a marriage proposal. Yes, my service is really that good. The second? A man who claimed that he would be sleeping on the couch that night and it was all my fault. He had ordered his wife's gift and chosen the slowest shipping method known to mankind, in order to save money. Sadly, UPS left his box on a truck, and it was going to arrive a day late. The only things I could think of were, "If the success of your marriage depends on the timely arrival of your Valentine's Day gift, perhaps slow-as-molasses-but-free shipping is not the way to say I love you," and, "Here, let me direct you to the marriage self-help books..."

Today the onslaught began. One reason, perhaps, that I dislike this holiday is the cultural attitude that we have that says men can behave like *insert anatomically correct term here* the rest of the year if they just play right on this day. On the one hand, it puts far too much pressure on them and on the other, far too little. And how many men, feeling the pressure to find the 'perfect' gift to somehow prove their love, freeze under that pressure and end up ordering the gift very, very late...and then calling poor people like me to complain that I have single-handedly ruined their love life? Sigh.

Today I had a rather reverse call. A husband had been given an item for Valentine's day by his wife. Think of an iPod Touch. Only...he already owns one. And she bought it two months ago. Like, before Christmas. And she never noticed he already owned one! And now he's mad that we won't take it back for a full refund, because it has been too long since it was purchased.

So, lemme tell you: It doesn't matter how much you spend on the gift. It doesn't matter if UPS delivers it on time. It doesn't matter if a giant snowstorm invades half of your country and stops all deliveries. What matters is how much attention you pay to the actual person, how you treat them the other 364 days of the year. Changing diapers, fixing the cupboard door, a back rub, remembering to tell them how you feel every day...those things are worth far more. And UPS can't lose them.