It ocurred to me today that I get so caught up in the busy stuff that the things that really stand out to me are the negatives. Oh, I have positive interactions with my kids, but they aren't what I remember the next morning.
So, in an effort to improve my OWN attitude, here are some signs of progress that I have seen lately:
Neither boy has lost his school pencil in months! This was a huge battle at one point, so you'd think I'd have noticed before, oh, ten minutes ago when Brandon grabbed his out of the drawer that he puts it in every time he's finished using it!
I usually leave a list for the boys with chores and school assignments, plus any pertinent info for the day. Lately they have been pretty good at doing what the list says and a couple times have actually done what needed to be done even though I had forgotten to leave a list! Today they called to ask what I wanted them to do and when I said nothing except dishes, but one insisted on doing math.
(of course, I was interrupted while typing by a child having a math fit, lol, and have completely lost my train of thought)
Anyway, my point is, keep an eye out for the good news!
Oh, and on the funny side of things: Last night at Jukido, two young girls were playing together. They are both very strong-willed children and they are forever butting heads. One started hitting the other, and the hit-ee said, "If you punch me one more time I am going to punch you back!" at which point the hit-er ran to her father crying, "She threatened to punch me BACK!"
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
SPAWFFT!
Stop Produce Abuse With Freedom For Teenagers! (SPAWFFT!) is a newly-formed organization (just a few hours old, actually) with only one member: My favorite 15 year old. Here's how it was formed:
We shop at a store with nice, low prices, but you have to bag your own groceries. Well, I DO have two strong young men with me most of the time, so generally they bag while I pay. Today, however, Brandon did all the bagging. He did plenty of complaining about it, as well. So when we were settled in the van, I asked his brother why he didn't help bag, and his response was that whenever he DOES help bag, Brandon complains that he never does it right, and tries to tell him what to do, and so he figured he wouldn't bother. I told him he needed to help anyway, but then I told Brandon that if he were easier to work with, perhaps his brother would be more willing to work with him.
From there he descended into the horrors of Nate's bagging technique (he puts fruit on the bottom!) to my unfairness at correcting him, to being sent to bed because he would not stop arguing, to standing outside his room arguing even more, despite the fact that I clearly and calmly told him that he would lose priveleges if he continued, to saying that he was only standing up for what was right (SPAWFFT!) and wouldn't I do the same if, say, George Bush outlawed homeschooling? And would I really want him to jump of a bridge if I told him to?
While I would go to jail in support of homeschooling, I had no idea a teenager would give up all that this one gave up tonight in support of firm fruit. Ah, well, hopefully a good night's sleep will help his attitude. And I just keep telling myself that all this stubborness (and don't get me wrong--both kids have it in abundance!) will be turned to good eventually.
We shop at a store with nice, low prices, but you have to bag your own groceries. Well, I DO have two strong young men with me most of the time, so generally they bag while I pay. Today, however, Brandon did all the bagging. He did plenty of complaining about it, as well. So when we were settled in the van, I asked his brother why he didn't help bag, and his response was that whenever he DOES help bag, Brandon complains that he never does it right, and tries to tell him what to do, and so he figured he wouldn't bother. I told him he needed to help anyway, but then I told Brandon that if he were easier to work with, perhaps his brother would be more willing to work with him.
From there he descended into the horrors of Nate's bagging technique (he puts fruit on the bottom!) to my unfairness at correcting him, to being sent to bed because he would not stop arguing, to standing outside his room arguing even more, despite the fact that I clearly and calmly told him that he would lose priveleges if he continued, to saying that he was only standing up for what was right (SPAWFFT!) and wouldn't I do the same if, say, George Bush outlawed homeschooling? And would I really want him to jump of a bridge if I told him to?
While I would go to jail in support of homeschooling, I had no idea a teenager would give up all that this one gave up tonight in support of firm fruit. Ah, well, hopefully a good night's sleep will help his attitude. And I just keep telling myself that all this stubborness (and don't get me wrong--both kids have it in abundance!) will be turned to good eventually.
Can't Win For Losing
Some of my readers will know that for math we take a linear approach around here that involves Key to... books followed by Teaching Textbooks in the upper elementary/middle/high school years. Well, Nate is more than halfway through the three Key to... series that we use (Fractions, Decimals and Percents) but he really needed something in addition to that to keep his mind busy (you know, so he'd quit doing his brother's math!) So a while back I started him on the Teaching Textbooks Math 7, with the idea that he'd do about 3 lessons a week and finish his Key to... books besides, and it'd all work out like when you have the mashed potatoes, salad, gravy and roast all done at once, right?
Well, I never was any good at having all the dishes done at the same time!
Nate has been working so quickly through Math 7 that tonight, when I wrote up his schedule, I had to inform him that he needed to either slow down on the Teaching Textbooks or be more diligent in the Key to... books. He was not happy. Nate is an auditory learner and Teaching Textbooks allows you to hear and read the lecture and problems at the same time, which works very well for him. Also, it features a talking parrot, LOL.
Hopefully, the spectre of giving up talking-parrot-math will be enough to encourage him to work harder in his remaining workbooks. Once we get over that hurdle, we'll work on the whole, "my brain doesn't wake up enough to do math until 2 or 3 in the afternoon" thing!
Well, I never was any good at having all the dishes done at the same time!
Nate has been working so quickly through Math 7 that tonight, when I wrote up his schedule, I had to inform him that he needed to either slow down on the Teaching Textbooks or be more diligent in the Key to... books. He was not happy. Nate is an auditory learner and Teaching Textbooks allows you to hear and read the lecture and problems at the same time, which works very well for him. Also, it features a talking parrot, LOL.
Hopefully, the spectre of giving up talking-parrot-math will be enough to encourage him to work harder in his remaining workbooks. Once we get over that hurdle, we'll work on the whole, "my brain doesn't wake up enough to do math until 2 or 3 in the afternoon" thing!
There's a Dirty Cop in My Family!
(Note to any members of my family who may read this: I truly adore you all, and am blessed to have you. Sometimes, though, an ugly lie needs to have the light of truth directed at its face. I think this is one of those times. Also, this is part of what shaped me into the person that I am today, and it is important to my recovery to be able to talk about it.)
More than almost anything, I hate dirty cops. I was raised on law and order and I am a black-and-white thinker, but even more than that, a dirty cop takes the authority he is supposed to use to protect, and uses it to hurt instead.
And yet, a dirty cop has been harbored in my family for generations. He shows up smiling at every gathering and spreads his twisted lies among us. For nearly two years now, I have been working to extricate him from my own home and protect my own children, but when he helps raise you, un-doing 30 years of brainwashing is difficult, to say the least, and I make two or more steps backward for every step forward that I manage to eke out, it seems!
Last night I heard this evil voice coming out of my baby sister's mouth and I was appalled. For many months now I have seen her as a victim (and she is!) but last night she became the perpetrator, and it hurt to see it.
This dirty cop that hides out in our clan is The Food Police.
The Food Police is the cacophany of voices that stands between our brains and our mouths. It starts when we are infants. Our parents take a perfectly-functioning biological process and feel they must interfere (after all, they have the voices, as well). Baby must finish his food so he can grown big and strong...and besides, we hate to throw food away, that's a waste! By the time we are 2 or 3 we have been labeled 'picky eaters' because we take our time and choose only the best bits to put in our bellies. We aren't hungry for all that food--we have tiny tummies, only the size of our fists, after all--so we figure we may as well only eat that which tastes good to us. And rightly so! But no, that Dirty Cop of nutrition looks at our plates and says, 'Not ROUND enough or not SQUARE enough-make them eat more!' But when our tiny tummies are emptied by our endless running around, he also says, 'You can't POSSIBLY be hungry this soon-you just ate!' And through this constant contradiction, we learn to distrust our own physical feelings.
It doesn't matter that study after study show that small children will, over a day's or week's time, naturally round out their diet and include all necessary food groups. Our parents are slaves to the Food Police.
Eventually our stubborness in eating only until our bellies are satisfied drives our parents to use one of the Food Police's twisted laws: You must clean your plate in order to have dessert! That's right--not only do we need to overeat, we will be rewarded for overeating by being called 'good' and given more food (that is called 'bad') to stuff into our overstuffed bellies. But we don't realize our bellies are overstuffed, because we have been taught that our bellies lie. And besides, we had better take it when we can get it, because They won't let us have it in two hours when our bellies rumble (you JUST ATE!).
It doesn't take long to come to this way of thinking. Last night our 4 year old cousin was eating a piece of chicken that my 12 yo sister had served her. Three times my sister said, "Hurry up and eat! Quit playing and eat that chicken! If you don't finish that chicken, you can't have any dessert!" I told her to mind her own business but she kept after the poor little girl who was only eating slowly because chicken is hard to chew for tiny teeth and besides, if you eat slowly, then you can hear your tummy's satisfied bell. (Btw, she ate TWO pieces of chicken, of her own volition, once left alone)
Actually, a piece of chicken will be made a more 'square' meal by the addition of a piece of strawberry-rhubarb pie--after all, grilled chicken is straight protein and the pie would have the carbohydrates and fat needed for the girl to properly use the protein in the chicken. Plus it held both a fruit and a veggie! But no, pie is 'bad' and has to be atoned for by scarfing more 'good' food than is actually good for you.
And whatever you do, don't WASTE any by throwing it away. Pardon me, but if you eat it when your body is telling you that it doesn't need it, isn't that a waste, as well? And could it possibly be why every person in this family is overweight, including the 12 year old who attempted to force-feed the 4 year old?
I have seen my sister toil over a giant serving of food to the point that she was gagging because of that Food Police edict: You must finish what you take! What is that, an attempt to punish a child for having eyes bigger than her stomach? That child now cannot tell if she is hungry or full, cannot tell what a reasonable portion size is, and worse, is badgered constantly about eating when she IS hungry because she is now overweight, which has caused her to hog all available food. Ask my kids--she is first in the food line and takes all the best stuff because she is afraid someone is going to tell her she doesn't deserve to eat it because she eats too much, even though these same people taught her to eat too much! I will never forget the 'sundae bar' where all the kids but her were left with plain ice cream. It's very sad, because she doesn't enjoy her food--who can when they eat super-fast, hunched over their plate as if someone is about to swipe it, while riddled with distrustful, humliated and rebellious thoughts?
I said everyone in my family was fat, but that is not quite true. My brothers and my own sons aren't. Boys don't have the pressure that girls have about weight and eating, generally, but more than that, in our home, we only have one food rule: If you don't complain about mushrooms, you don't have to eat any.
My kids won't eat unless they are hungry. They stop when they are satisfied. Both are quite thin, which is nice, but most importantly, food isn't emotional to them. It's just food. They can take it, leave it, forget about it, etc. because they know they can eat pretty much whenever they are hungry. They don't have to eat out of rebellion, and they know what their bodies need and don't need. Don't get me wrong, they get bugged at family gatherings, as well, because no one understands why they eat the way they do, but because they have been taught here at home to listen to their bodies instead of the other voices, they are strong and able to resist.
Please let your children, and yourself, be guided by your bodies, which were "fearfully and wonderfully made" indeed! If you need help with that, two really great books are Like Mother, Like Daughter and Intuitive Eating. The first concentrates on why (assuming you are female) you may have this disordered way of eating. The second is a method of recovery for people of either gender. I know they have helped me make great strides in recovery, although I still have a long way to go.
More than almost anything, I hate dirty cops. I was raised on law and order and I am a black-and-white thinker, but even more than that, a dirty cop takes the authority he is supposed to use to protect, and uses it to hurt instead.
And yet, a dirty cop has been harbored in my family for generations. He shows up smiling at every gathering and spreads his twisted lies among us. For nearly two years now, I have been working to extricate him from my own home and protect my own children, but when he helps raise you, un-doing 30 years of brainwashing is difficult, to say the least, and I make two or more steps backward for every step forward that I manage to eke out, it seems!
Last night I heard this evil voice coming out of my baby sister's mouth and I was appalled. For many months now I have seen her as a victim (and she is!) but last night she became the perpetrator, and it hurt to see it.
This dirty cop that hides out in our clan is The Food Police.
The Food Police is the cacophany of voices that stands between our brains and our mouths. It starts when we are infants. Our parents take a perfectly-functioning biological process and feel they must interfere (after all, they have the voices, as well). Baby must finish his food so he can grown big and strong...and besides, we hate to throw food away, that's a waste! By the time we are 2 or 3 we have been labeled 'picky eaters' because we take our time and choose only the best bits to put in our bellies. We aren't hungry for all that food--we have tiny tummies, only the size of our fists, after all--so we figure we may as well only eat that which tastes good to us. And rightly so! But no, that Dirty Cop of nutrition looks at our plates and says, 'Not ROUND enough or not SQUARE enough-make them eat more!' But when our tiny tummies are emptied by our endless running around, he also says, 'You can't POSSIBLY be hungry this soon-you just ate!' And through this constant contradiction, we learn to distrust our own physical feelings.
It doesn't matter that study after study show that small children will, over a day's or week's time, naturally round out their diet and include all necessary food groups. Our parents are slaves to the Food Police.
Eventually our stubborness in eating only until our bellies are satisfied drives our parents to use one of the Food Police's twisted laws: You must clean your plate in order to have dessert! That's right--not only do we need to overeat, we will be rewarded for overeating by being called 'good' and given more food (that is called 'bad') to stuff into our overstuffed bellies. But we don't realize our bellies are overstuffed, because we have been taught that our bellies lie. And besides, we had better take it when we can get it, because They won't let us have it in two hours when our bellies rumble (you JUST ATE!).
It doesn't take long to come to this way of thinking. Last night our 4 year old cousin was eating a piece of chicken that my 12 yo sister had served her. Three times my sister said, "Hurry up and eat! Quit playing and eat that chicken! If you don't finish that chicken, you can't have any dessert!" I told her to mind her own business but she kept after the poor little girl who was only eating slowly because chicken is hard to chew for tiny teeth and besides, if you eat slowly, then you can hear your tummy's satisfied bell. (Btw, she ate TWO pieces of chicken, of her own volition, once left alone)
Actually, a piece of chicken will be made a more 'square' meal by the addition of a piece of strawberry-rhubarb pie--after all, grilled chicken is straight protein and the pie would have the carbohydrates and fat needed for the girl to properly use the protein in the chicken. Plus it held both a fruit and a veggie! But no, pie is 'bad' and has to be atoned for by scarfing more 'good' food than is actually good for you.
And whatever you do, don't WASTE any by throwing it away. Pardon me, but if you eat it when your body is telling you that it doesn't need it, isn't that a waste, as well? And could it possibly be why every person in this family is overweight, including the 12 year old who attempted to force-feed the 4 year old?
I have seen my sister toil over a giant serving of food to the point that she was gagging because of that Food Police edict: You must finish what you take! What is that, an attempt to punish a child for having eyes bigger than her stomach? That child now cannot tell if she is hungry or full, cannot tell what a reasonable portion size is, and worse, is badgered constantly about eating when she IS hungry because she is now overweight, which has caused her to hog all available food. Ask my kids--she is first in the food line and takes all the best stuff because she is afraid someone is going to tell her she doesn't deserve to eat it because she eats too much, even though these same people taught her to eat too much! I will never forget the 'sundae bar' where all the kids but her were left with plain ice cream. It's very sad, because she doesn't enjoy her food--who can when they eat super-fast, hunched over their plate as if someone is about to swipe it, while riddled with distrustful, humliated and rebellious thoughts?
I said everyone in my family was fat, but that is not quite true. My brothers and my own sons aren't. Boys don't have the pressure that girls have about weight and eating, generally, but more than that, in our home, we only have one food rule: If you don't complain about mushrooms, you don't have to eat any.
My kids won't eat unless they are hungry. They stop when they are satisfied. Both are quite thin, which is nice, but most importantly, food isn't emotional to them. It's just food. They can take it, leave it, forget about it, etc. because they know they can eat pretty much whenever they are hungry. They don't have to eat out of rebellion, and they know what their bodies need and don't need. Don't get me wrong, they get bugged at family gatherings, as well, because no one understands why they eat the way they do, but because they have been taught here at home to listen to their bodies instead of the other voices, they are strong and able to resist.
Please let your children, and yourself, be guided by your bodies, which were "fearfully and wonderfully made" indeed! If you need help with that, two really great books are Like Mother, Like Daughter and Intuitive Eating. The first concentrates on why (assuming you are female) you may have this disordered way of eating. The second is a method of recovery for people of either gender. I know they have helped me make great strides in recovery, although I still have a long way to go.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Painless Research Projects
I bought a book today! I tried to buy it locally but my favorite bookstore said they couldn't order it. It's pretty rare that I find a book at the library that I like so much that I have to have my own copy even though I know one lives across the street from me! In any case, www.half.com has plenty of copies available at nice prices.
I already own three of Barron's "Painless" series and I think they are very handy. Research Projects is written mainly for grades 7 through 9 and is fun reading like the other Painless books I have looked at. It begins at the beginning with picking a topic and runs through various sources to use including the internet and personal interviews. It takes the traditional note-card approach and has a section entitled, "Think-Don't Copy!" which will most definitely be helpful. Organization, rough drafts and editing, and bibliographies are also covered. Appendix C includes links to websites designed to jump-start the student's interest in a topic.
I have been looking for some 'school' projects for the summer, and this will guide us through one. Brandon is finishing up the 9th grade but this book really could serve as a basis for research projects all the way through high school, in my opinion.
If you have used any of the Painless series, please post a review in Comments--I am sure more people than myself would appreciate it!
I already own three of Barron's "Painless" series and I think they are very handy. Research Projects is written mainly for grades 7 through 9 and is fun reading like the other Painless books I have looked at. It begins at the beginning with picking a topic and runs through various sources to use including the internet and personal interviews. It takes the traditional note-card approach and has a section entitled, "Think-Don't Copy!" which will most definitely be helpful. Organization, rough drafts and editing, and bibliographies are also covered. Appendix C includes links to websites designed to jump-start the student's interest in a topic.
I have been looking for some 'school' projects for the summer, and this will guide us through one. Brandon is finishing up the 9th grade but this book really could serve as a basis for research projects all the way through high school, in my opinion.
If you have used any of the Painless series, please post a review in Comments--I am sure more people than myself would appreciate it!
Amazing we let them live this long, isn't it?
This is a hot area, and we had quite a heat wave earlier in the Spring. But lately it's been downright chilly! So, eager for some sunlight, I had the boys take down the White Trash Curtains from the front windows. (that's right...we had sheets hanging up) I made the mistake of saying, 'Whew, that sun is bright!' So of course Nate countered with , "Well, Duh, Mom...you don't seen people walking around saying, 'Wow, the sun is so DARK today!'"
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Say what? Girl eats toys...
I heard a news story while driving to work this morning (listening to my favorite station, www.plr.org). It seems an 8 yo girl ate some of her toys. Now the parents are campaigning to recall the toy that she ate. Pardon me, but shouldn’t an 8 year old know better? Personally, I had a 12 year old who swallowed a thumbtack, and it was stupid even though it WAS an accident…but you don’t see me lobbying to recall thumbtacks or keep them in child-proof (not!) containers, or even require an ID check to buy them. No, I just made it very clear to my kids that eating office supplies is a dumb thing to do and the one who swallowed a thumbtack and was nearly airlifted to Seattle Children’s Hospital was never going to live it down! Is there so little personal responsibility-even for your KIDS-that we need to sue or legislate every idiotic decision that one might make?
Do we really think that this is the first time this girl has eaten something that wasn’t food? Can you make the leap from mashed potatoes to Magnetix without some sort of gateway toy? Do you suppose when she was six some kid on the playground offered her a Polly Pocket accessory and from there it just went downhill? Gee, if she hadn’t been stopped I am sure Lincoln Logs would be next…and then our kids would never be able to buy them again, for fear of mass cabin ingestion. And don’t even think about those little army guys. I am sure I could easily swallow an entire Playmobile Confederate General!
I actually played with a very similar toy (the dollar store version, no less!) with a six year old and a two year old a week ago. Neither attempted to put a piece in their mouths, but neither was left alone with the toy, either. I sat with them the whole time, on a blanket so that none of the pieces would roll away unnoticed. It’s remarkable how parental (or parental-ish, as these were not my kids) supervision and training avoids this kind of tragedy.
So, open letter to her parents: You should already be embarrassed…don’t make it worse by making a public spectacle of yourselves and the fact that you couldn’t do your job well enough and are trying to blame someone else.
Oh, and by the way…we found a handheld metal detector (sold by National Geographic) very handy in determining when things had *ahem* passed on through. And the metal detector has no small pieces.
Do we really think that this is the first time this girl has eaten something that wasn’t food? Can you make the leap from mashed potatoes to Magnetix without some sort of gateway toy? Do you suppose when she was six some kid on the playground offered her a Polly Pocket accessory and from there it just went downhill? Gee, if she hadn’t been stopped I am sure Lincoln Logs would be next…and then our kids would never be able to buy them again, for fear of mass cabin ingestion. And don’t even think about those little army guys. I am sure I could easily swallow an entire Playmobile Confederate General!
I actually played with a very similar toy (the dollar store version, no less!) with a six year old and a two year old a week ago. Neither attempted to put a piece in their mouths, but neither was left alone with the toy, either. I sat with them the whole time, on a blanket so that none of the pieces would roll away unnoticed. It’s remarkable how parental (or parental-ish, as these were not my kids) supervision and training avoids this kind of tragedy.
So, open letter to her parents: You should already be embarrassed…don’t make it worse by making a public spectacle of yourselves and the fact that you couldn’t do your job well enough and are trying to blame someone else.
Oh, and by the way…we found a handheld metal detector (sold by National Geographic) very handy in determining when things had *ahem* passed on through. And the metal detector has no small pieces.
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